After A Full Weekend

Everyone have enough turkey for the year???? Thanksgiving/Fall/Winter is my favorite time for during school because it's the time where you get the most BREAKS. :] Yeah, I need them. Dunno what I'd do without them... There's Thanksgiving and Black Friday, and then just about two weeks after that, we get almost a WHOLE month of winter break. Anyways, back on track:

There's much going on after a full weekend. School starts again, everything is "back to normal". This past couple days have been a really longgggg weekend for me. I'm not sure why but I find that there is always at least one thing bothering me in life. Actually, this weekend there has been a couple things on my mind. I'm not gunna lie here, since honesty is really what this blog of mine is for.

One of the main subjects of my wandering mind is this certain someone. Have you ever felt ignored or felt like you're annoying this one person? I kinda feel like that. It's either I'm being ignored, or I'm just bothering this person too much--I think the second one is more reasonable for this person. I don't really know how to deal with it. It rings in my mind forever and ever till...who knows when.

For some odd--not really--reason, my mind has been stuck on the fact that I might not be able to go to the ECC praise night. Is it really what I need right now--no, I don't think so. I really want to go, but I know that my schedule will hardly allow that. It's a little disappointing to me to think that my mind's not only on going to ECC for the praise night.

This part is really random, but also....something's been triggering me to actually learn how to write and read chinese. Both cantonese and manderin. It's bothering me a lot that I can't read or write it. Now, where should I start???? It's always easier to talk than to do. *sigh

The last thing that's been on my mind for quite sometime now--not only this weekend--is the fact that I want a closer relationship with God. I feel like I've been slacking off a lot lately. Not only have I not been doing my devos, but I feel like I have no energy to fufil anything in life. I have no energy to study hard--which is what I really need to do right now. I really wanna study hard, and get into BC next year. I know what I'm thinking for myself is good, but at the same time, I don't know why it's so hard to put into action. There's only one thing I've been waiting on since what seems like forever. It's still that certain someone I'm waiting for to make my life joyful again. But I shouldn't be waiting. That something that I'm waiting for should be my relationship with God right? It should be all I need. So how do I fix my broken relationship? This relationship is not like others. It's not easy to fix, but it's not impossible.

Goals:

• Develop my relationship with God again.
• Learn how to write and read Chinese.
• Listen to God's calling instead of running off on my own about certain things.
• Control my thoughts.
  

Ticking Clock

Haven't gotten anything done today. There's this paper I have to write. I wanted to finish the draft today, but there seems to be something else on my mind. It's about the future. Not about school, not about my life, but about something else. Something that I don't want to think about, yet at every moment, I am. I wish for it to happen, but I'm afraid to ask, to talk, to speak, even to listen. I'm not sure what has gotten into me today. At the beginning of the day, I was thinking that this week would fly by since I didn't have school on Wed or Thurs. But as time passes, only stress overwhelms me. Maybe it's not stress. Maybe it's just selfishness?

*sigh. Anyways, better get back to work. I didn't really say the main point in this blog...but, it's more for me anyways. Thanks for reading if you did. <3

The Return

My parents are back again. Gotta get back into shape. This past week has been fun, but it's time to get it going again. Sometimes I just wish I could live life alone without any parents, but too bad--I'd miss them. =P

So much homework on my hands. Math needs to be finished by Sunday night, and I have like...5 lessons still. History needs to be sped up--I still need to do my paper, and study for a test this Thursday. Writing/Literature? Haha, don't even talk about that. Reading the Odyssey is soo boring. Broadway--gotta practice.

I've had so much fun this week that I don't even know what to do right now. Just gotta get my homework done. I think I won't be sleeping tonight......Even though tomorrow is Sunday, and I need to go to church. I hope tomorrow's going to go well.

Tonight's check list:

• Math: Lessons 5.5-5.7
• Writing: Odyssey Books 7-10
• History: Read Ch. 6 and study

*sigh. I should get working. Soo stressed now.

Catch Me In Your Arms

It never occurred to me that something like that would happen again. Breakdowns, meltdowns, everything, but in front of someone? Also, especially that one person? It was just great. I now have really realized what people mean by, "I don't know why I'm feeling like this." Cause that's exactly how I felt last night. To be honest I was a little disappointed in myself and what I did. I felt like I was bringing down all my friends. You guys have all helped me so much in different ways. When it comes to what I want to do, it seems like I just go ahead and do it. I might ask you or tell you, but I never end up listening to what you guys have to say. And that's what happened last night. Walking over there made me realize my mistake. It made me realize that I just crushed all my hard work in the past couple months. But I just could not help it. As Cindy says, "both ways hurt you." So true. At least right now it is. I never wanted it to happen, but it just kinda did.

Is making people worry about me my profession? Everyone around me tries to help me, but I end up just making them all worried about me.

My river flows when I'm hurt. Sometimes I can stop it, but I couldn't last night. I'm glad about what happened last night, because I just can't think otherwise. Thanks....gohh for everything. <3>

Busy Days

They've come again...those busy days. Where school seems to never end and homework piles up into the sky. It seems like you can never finish and you're dead if you don't. You stay up till the sun rises and you sleep for five minutes before you have to get up to resume your work again. Then to school you go.

What a busy life! No time for friends, no time for breakfast, no time for facebook, and no time for God. The day goes by as we think we're living our lives fully. Parents ask how your day went, and you can't answer them but say it's been alright. Because the fact is that, it's not alright. Your relationship with God has gone downhill, you're loaded with homework at school or even work at your job. (work) The econ's going down and you're worried that you'll lose your job. (school) The teachers are scary, and if you don't turn in your homework on time, they deduct 50% from it and you get an F+.

You never know what tomorrow brings you. Whether it's losing your job or having to not sleep for your homework. But it says:

Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Everyday has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:34

I encourage you, especially when your day is busy, grab your Bible in the morning and flip out a couple pages. Read it. Study it. Sink it into your brain as you would with your work at school or in your job. Don't treat it as homework, but as a hobby. Don't treat it as a drag, but do it willingly. It's the most important time of your day. It's what will drag you out of the tunnel at the end of the day. Try it. It works. (:

Crazy Love

My friend Kristine bought a book named Crazy Love for me. It's a great book. I highly recommend it. So from now on, as I read this book, I'll probably have a couple posts on it. As of now, I'm on the second chapter, and I already have a lot to talk about. Feel free to comment!

Have you ever been asked this question, "What happens if you suddenly die tomorrow?" Could you answer it? What WOULD happen if you died tomorrow? In this book, the author gives us a great example:

"Imagine if you were an extra in a movie. You will probably scrutinize that one sccene where hundreds of people are milling around, just waiting for that two-fifths of a second when you can see the back of your head. Maybe your mom aand your closest friend get excited about that two-fifths of a second with you...maybe. But no one else will realize that it is you. Even if you tell them, they won't care.

Lets take it a step further. What if you rent out the theater on opening night and invite all your friends and family to come see the new movie about you? People will say, 'You're an idiot! How could you think this movie is about YOU?'

Many Christians are even more delusional than the person I've been describing. so many of us think and live like the movie of life is all about us.

Now consider the movie of life........

1. God creates the world

2. People rebel against God.

3. God singles out a 99 year old man and makes him the father of a nation.

4. God picks out people and directs them and works miracles through them--Joseph and Moses.

5. God sends judges and prophets to His nation because the people can't seem to give Him the one thing He asks them of--obedience.

6. The Son of God is born and shows the world how God loves.

From start to finish. Who is this about? GOD obviously!!!! He's the main character. Not us. How is it that we're so selfish to think that it was about us?"

There is only ONE scene in here of us. And that's your two-fifths of the back of your head. So don't waste that time! It's only two-fifths and you're dead. Take these two-fifths of the time and make great use out of it, cause in this life, you won't get a second chance to be filmed. But also, within this time, think who this movie is about. What are you doing in this movie?

1 Corinthians 10:31

"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."

Half of this post is from this book. Haha, don't think that I wrote this cause I didn't. But this is SO worth thinking about. It really hit me in the head when the first line spoke. "You could die before you finish reading this chapter. I could die while you're reading it. Today. At any moment." What a capturing line. As I read this chapter, I fully and finally understood that this world isn't about me. It's about everyone in it and especially about God. God appears in this "movie" ALL the time while I only appear in it two-fifths of the time. So again, don't waste it! Give it your all.

Toby's Message

So yesterday at New Life (NL), we had a guest speaker from California. He's an amazing speaker, and guess what we talked about? DATING AND RELATIONSHIPS.

"It's not about age. It's about maturity."

While he was speaking, his message really brought me back to what I wrote in my previous post. How I was wishing on all those things that probably wouldn't come true soon. It really gave me a big moment to think when he listed the reasons that we SHOULDN'T be dating for. He said you shouldn't be dating:


* To seek attention
* To be loved by another person
* For Physical attraction
* Or because you're in a time where you really need comfort from someone else other than your family.

So take a moment right now and think. (esp. if you're in a relationship right now.) Why do you want this relationship? Why do you even like this person? If you say that you think God wants you in this relationship, why? Don't just try to get out of it lightly and say "God wants me in this relationship, and that's why I'm going to say yes to dating this guy/girl. I've prayed about it so much already. I think it's time to say yes." Really take this time to ponder.

Pastor Toby talked about purity too. Losing your purity doesn't only mean that you have sex with the other person. Think about this clearly. What DOES losing your purity really mean? Think back to whatever you've done with that significant other. Are you still pure?

During this age--teenage--, most of us are thinking about relationships if not school. Why is that? Is it true that we just don't see the love that God our Father gives us? Pastor Toby was also saying how all you need to know is that God loves you. All you need to know is that God is there for you--always. not sometimes, always.

So take your stand! What side are you going to stand on? Do you think you and your significant other are mature enough to stand in this relationship? Don't do something you'll regret. And remember! God is always here no matter what. In fact, he also wants to draw NEARER to you.

加油!

I don't know how I can go through this year without killing myself. Seriously, I'm already worn out by arguing with her. Now she says, "Just go to the high school. Either walk, or ride the bus." Or she says, "I'm not buying you any books. I'm not spending a dime on you. Ride a bus if you wanna get to school." I hate how she changes her attitude and mind so often. I just can't cope with it. I was on the phone when I wasn't supposed to be on last night, and that's where it all started. She got pissed, and now I'm on the edge of actually not living. Dad doesn't help much either. He's just.....not helping me as much as I thought he could/would. I've considered changing myself into a whole new person--I didn't think it'd be this hard. It's not working, all these habits have taken place. They have already taken charge of my life. I want my life to take a total twist--a twist into a new world, a new mindset.

Everything in this life is hard. It certainly takes hard work to live a fulfilling life. What am I going to do for my future? It's all a blur to me. When will everything clear up? Am I just going to live like a bum on the street? How can I change to accept everything my parents say? How can I accept everything my mom says without arguing with her? I've got one more year to prove to myself that I can. change myself into a different person. change my attitude into an accepting one.

When people ask, "How are you?" what IS my answer? Will it be "fine"? or will I answer with what I truely feel at the moment? Right now, of course I feel stressed, weak, and tired. Can you imagine what life would be if we had no problems? I can't. There's just too much going on in this world to be able to imagine it without any problems.

I used to think that my tears had all dried up--after that one incident in the beginning of this blog (not post, blog)--, and there were no more. But now I know that when you need them, they'll appear. Just like a lot of other things too. When you need it, it'll appear--usually, sometimes. As of right now, I wish I had big arms that would wrap around my body and give me physical warmth. I wish I could feel the warmth of someone's love towards me. I wish I had someone who knew EVERYTHING about me and understood me. There are so many wishes I could make, but so much for that. It won't be true--at least right now.

I need to get myself together. I need to study. I need to get those history books. But how can I? How can I do these without my parents help? What other choice do I have but sit down, think, and write down what I think my mom's rules are these past 9 years? What? Go to the MIHS and see a counselor? Will that help me at ALL? I don't wanna go back and fourth again. I don't wanna get my hopes high on going to the HS. It's a pain when it doesn't come true--most of all, I don't wanna take the WASL this year. Questions questions questions, who can answer them for me?

As of now, I need to live on. I need to add oil to my burnt out lamp and press on. No matter how hard it is, no matter how much I want to kill myself, I need to continue. God has given me life and I'm going to live it to the fullest--or at least try to.

加油!!!

Endless Love

Ever been in the position where you're not allowed to date?

Ever had problems/arguments with your parents about this specific subject--dating?

Ever hated your parents because of this rule--"you're not allowed to date till you're older"?

These few questions always block my way. I'm born in a Christian family. We have "rules". We also have a chinese culture. I hate the feeling of sneaking something from my parents. I hate the feeling of having to lie to them. But sometimes I just can't help it. I wonder why they can't just let me experience the feeling of having someone who cares for you so much. I so miss that feeling right now, but I can't do anything about it.

Have you gotten to the point where you start dating another person without your parents knowing? I admit, I've gone to that point already. After that relationship, I felt guilty, but not guilty enough. Not regretful either.

Has your parents ever walked into you with another guy--the guy you like? Here's a more general question. Why do parents tell you not to date?

I think the main reason I collected was that they don't want to see you get hurt. A lot of my friends say it's because they don't want to see you grow up. But is that really true? My parents always say that they want me to grow up. Just into a Godly Christian girl. Not some...other thing. They know that once you start dating a guy, and then break up, that scar on your heart will be left there forever, and that when you grow older, you may not want to have another relationship. You may not want to open yourself up because you don't want to be hurt again.

In other conditions, I've found that I would be craving another relationship because I missed the feeling of being important. Although it's just that one, same guy that I like, I would still crave for a relationship whether with that guy or not. It's tough not getting yourself into another relationship, but once you overcome that barrier, you can almost go through anything else.

I'm waiting for that same guy here...I have a thread of hope even though I think that we're hopeless. I don't wanna sneak around my parents, but sometimes I can't help it. Help is what I need, but am I willing to accept it? Would you be able to?

Wanting To Leave

I don't wanna stay either. I want to leave. But the door's blocked. No, you're not blocking it, but something is. Something tells me to press on, to not leave. Is it God? Is it my conscience? What is it?

I went to Summer Conference this Weekend. Five messages were given in Chinese. Did I understand them? Haha. Likely. =P Dad gave translations for 2 of the sermons to me, but then I chose to listen on my own for the rest. He read from Psalms 1-10. Interesting book of the bible isn't it? He spoke of Anger and prayer. Pray when you need him, but not only then. Pray when you wanna talk to him. There were many times where I've prayed and then asked, what does praying do? Does he listen? These sermons just gave me a reassuring gush that he does listen. He ALWAYS listens.

Anger. Keep it down!!!! Speak softly. Don't stir up anger within your party. Anger is one of the worst things that could happen in a family--also one of the easiest things that can happen. Yes, it's common. It happens ALL the time--but should it happen? There are so many things to learn in Psalms. Even after reading it 100 times, you probably won't get it all.

Is this all what's been blocking me from going out? Recently, I've always wanted to just go out of the house. I didn't like this family very much. I wanted to LEAVE. All along, something was blocking the door. Was it really because of anger that I wanted to leave? My answer now is yes, and that's what this weekend has taught me. It was because of anger that I wanted to leave, and therefore, I'm still here.

Back To School

Everyone's almost back to school. A couple more days of summer, and it's over. I've heard that the older we get, the faster time goes by--I think that's coming true. Oh no.

So it's back to school now! Everyone excited? I know I'm not. But there's only one more year to go. Unless I can't make it into running start, there's three more years to go. This school year seems really crammed for me, but I know I'll losen up when I actually start.

One of my classes clash with my swim meets. I'm not happy about that, and I'm not sure what I want. Swimming's only for a quarter, but this class is for a year. It's an acting/singing class--so it's not a required class for me. It ends at 3 45 and starts at 2 10pm. I really don't know what to do. should I ask the teacher if I can leave at 3? Or tell my coach that I can't go till later like last year? Mom told me to think about what I really want, but I really don't know. Swimming's important, but is it more important than going to this class? My first swim meet is the start of school. Oh gosh...what should I do?????

This year's important, but every year is too. *sigh, time goes way to fast. Can I have my life back?

Barbie Girl--Better Stay Away

What's up with all this nonsense stuck to my face? Does my forehead write "I like him"? Why does everyone say that I like him? why does everyone ask after I've said no a billion times? How do I like him when my thoughts are constantly on "you"? What is flirting? Does talking to the opposite sex = flirting? That's lameeeee. Dude, I'm not even kidding. What's wrong with drama these days? Should I stay away starting from now? I hope HE doesn't think I like him.......that'd be weird.

No One Out There

There's no one out there. I don't know what to do or what to think. I don't want to talk to her. I want her to leave me alone, but that's not happening. She doesn't know how hard it is for me right now. Schools almost starting and fights are arising already. what should I do? what to do? I tried praying but right now my anger's still stirring. This isn't about friends, this isn't about school, this isn't about my future. It's about my feelings.

Mom bought a textbook for me, and it was damaged. She went to read the desciption on amazon and it said that it was missing the front cover. Dad says, "can we still use it?" Mom says, "of course", and dad askes me if it's alright. I didn't even answer and mom said, "Why do you need to ask that?"

I appreciate my dad for thinking about me so much. Sometimes I wish I coiuld work with my dad only. Today, I finished one section of my SAT, corrected it, and went on the computer to finish my pictures. Mom came in and saw me typing. She asked what I was doing, and started exiting all my windows. OMG. I was copying photos for at least 40 mins already, and she just exited it with one click. Guess how I reacted? Okay, it was wrong, but WHO IN THE WORLD wouldn't be mad!? Then she made me stand in the room "reflecting". So supposedly, that'w what I'm doing right now.

I wanna get outta this, but I really have nothing to say to her. It's like she's always able to make dad turn his decisions around and be "on her" side. I wish she would understand me and my personality more. I wish she would stop tugging on my weak points. I really don't wanna talk to her. Why can't she just leave me alone?!

Prayers:

Oh, it's this discussion about prayers again. Do they work? Sometimes I wish that things could change with the snap of my finger. But.......the world doesn't work that way. What if I prayed not to be homeschooled? Would that come true?

True Love

The title speaks it all, but.....is true love real when you're a teenager? My friend gave me a link to an article about true love when you're a teenager. He said it would probably suit me really well (haha. and it did.) So now, I'm going to comment on it. Feel free to comment back! p.s. the link is at the bottom of this post.

So, can teenagers fall in love? I believe so. But why do parents tell us to not date till we're older--besides to focus on your duties(school and everything)? I mean, even though you go out with a guy when you're older, you'll still be emotionally hurt if you break up with them right? But then comes the subject of maturity.

Think about it. Am I emotionally matured?

Sometimes, we need others to judge for us. We tend to give way to ourselves just to make things a little bit easier. When people actually do say something good about us, we tend to shut our intake tubes.

*sigh, true love sounds so good....
I suggest you read this post. (: Thanks all! <3

http://www.helium.com/items/1548494-can-teenagers-truly-fall-in-love

Dreams

As a little girl, I used to dream of many different things, think about many different things, and want many different things.

Such as those dreams about Candy Land. Oh my, you'll NEVER guess. EVERYTHING was candy.....just like the Willy Wonka movie. haha, I probably got that dream after watching anyways. =P I think all girls have that once in a life time. We as girls will never go without that dream for a lifetime.

Ever have those dreams where you don't get them once, twice, but three times? I had a nightmare once. It didn't come once or twice, it came thrice. Ohh....scary, it really was--but gotta remember. God's by your side. You never have to be afraid of anything. There was also a dream I had. I still remember it vaguely. It's haha....really weird. It was about...starwars--ok, come on, out of ALL movies, starwars? I don't even like it. Anyways, it would be a really sunny day, and I'd be trapped in the enemies' territory. When I woke up, I'd be drenched in sweat. Ew, just ew..

Those dreams......I wish I still had them. I wish I were a little, carefree girl again. I've grown up now. I just don't understand. Why is it that when we're all young, we wanna be old, but when we're old, we would wanna be young? I don't get human minds--moreover, my own. I don't think anyone can interpret my mind....except for God, not even me. ^^ Yeah, He's awesome. (Amen?)

Although I know that this will never happen, but sometimes I wish these dreams would just come true--into reality. Good dreams come part of life...bad dreams, become reality. It's true actually. Sometimes I feel as if I'm living a dream-- haha, heard that sentence before? yeah, many times.

Ahh, dreams...dreams dreams...I wouldn't be able to go a day without dreams. This word actually is so meaningful. Just a twist can lead you down a different path with the word 'dream'.

Any real dreams or goals? I don't know. Has anyone (who's a girl) ever dreamed of marrying their dad (or vise versa?) Just cause they're SO amazing. I used to wanna find a husband like my dad. Actually, I might still want to.

So tell me now, what are your dreams?

Inspired by: Melissa Ling

Why Why Why?

God, why have you brought this into my life? Why have you brought this guy to me for so long? Why have you made him like me for so long? Through all the messes we've been...through silent treatments over a year.

Oh how I wish you didn't. I wish you didn't bring him to me four years ago..because I don't know how to cope with it no more. Friends? That's fine with me, but I know I've given actions to many other guys that were..well, not good? I hate those times where you do something, and then the next minute, you want to just die cause you were wondering why you did that.

"to him": I really don't understand how you manage to keep liking me when I like someone else. I don't get why you still like me after four years of 'knowing' me. I don't get why you can't find a better girl to like. I just don't get why you still like me when I've ignored you three times for just about three years each time. Yeah, sometimes I feel really bad about that, but there definitely was a reason for that, and I don't regret doing that.

*sigh, I don't even know what to say about it anymore. There's nothing else to say. Btw, haha. If you're reading this. Honestly, it wasn't really for you to read, but that's ok. You don't need to comment on this either.

Passing Days

Sunday School (SS). Today was apparently the last day for me to teach my SS kids. There's one more week, but I won't be there because of New Life camping. Sometimes, I think I realize things to slowly. I forgot that I would be at camping next week and can't teach--I'm even supposed to be TEACHING that Sunday. I sometimes think I'm just daydreaming my life on.

Forgetful. It's just me. It's the way God made me right? haha. It's SO true. There's two birthday parties that I was invited to. I forgot to ask my mom about BOTH of them until one of my friends called the day before. I could've planned a ride there, but nooo....I forgot--so I guess my punishment was just....not going? You have NO idea how many times my friends reminded me to do something this summer. Must've been a million already, and there's still about two more weeks. My mom's friend called yesterday night. She told me to tell my mom something to do, but I completely forgot--it was due today.....THANKFULLY my mom remembered to do it even though I didn't "remind" her. Gosh, what's my life right now? Please tell me that I'm not going crazy lazying off my days in life.

Summer. Someone tell me why this summer has been such a drag. It's actually true. I feel so bored yet I don't wanna go to school at ALL. It's the VERY first time I've felt that way. Am I just growing older? That's not good--considering that hairspray stuff we talked about *coughmcough*. haha. oh dear.

Daydreaming. Oh, you have no idea. It's not even real daydreaming. It's just.......lets say, imaginary? *sigh. How great can life get. haha, bleh...get what I mean? Today at SS, oh...more like the whole day. I was totally out of it. Said some weird things, and then thought back and wanted to punch myself in the face. Did some weird things, and totally thought I was going crazy. At that moment.

Swimming. Well, great news huh? I'm swimming in the MIHS swim team this fall. Interesting............I'm SO freakin outta shape. Maybe I should start up again....NOW--just so that I don't embarrass myself when I get back in. Considering I went to Districts last year, it would be REALLY sad if I didn't even make it into Varsity this year huh? Dontcha think?

Oh goodness. Help me. There's something I really want to do right now. There's someone I wanna talk to. It's just one click away.....ahhh, just can't seem to hit it. O well. Too late. ^^ Haha, that's a lie. I'll probably end up saying "hi!". *sigh*. I feel like such a failure today-------tonight.

Remaining Days Spent. Don't know what I'll do. Any suggestions? Got a pile of books next to my bed--but that's kinda...haha, not happening. Skimmed one book--tossed that one, read a book--YES. I ACTUALLY FINISHED IT, and.....on to another one--hm...pretty interesting, it's a keeper (haha. I feel like I'm trying to find a guy here--oh! it's a keeper...oh my, WHAT...the HECK.)

The Sneaky Me. So much sneaking around this year....now, it's even on the internet with a phone talking till what...3 am? It's either reading till that time, or talking with my friends and listening to music both ways. I'll add. This year...haha, can't say much but the word "eventful". That pretty much sums up my WHOLE entire Freshman year--tell me what you think!

Passing Days. I gotta think. What should I do for the rest of my passing days? I tried to get fit, but now my stomach's bigger than usual. Isn't that sad? Seriously, it's like..when I actually TRY to get fit, I get FAT. When I don't, I'm just...usual--not fat, not slim, not fit, not ANYTHING.

Okay, gotta go to bed. Parents. Haha, YEAH!

第一次

Summer's almost gone. Fall's almost here. School's almost starting, and it's the first time I feel like I'm not ready for school to start again.

For the past summers, I've always got sick and tired of summer and wanted school to start quickly. I've never felt this "not wanting" to go to school so badly. It's a first.

For the first time, I feel so alone. But even as I feel alone, I don't want school to start. This upcoming year...I don't know how I'll survive.

Home alone........it always seems so quiet at home. Like.....no one's around. Do I miss my friends? Of course I do....except, what can I do? They're not around.

It truely is the first time I've felt like this. There really aren't any words that can describe what I'm feeling.

It's the first time that:

• I've wanted to attend MIHS instead of homeschool
• Had such a lonely summer yet I don't wanna go back to school
• I've gone through so much in one single year
• I've had so many arguements with my mom
• I've lied so many times to my parents. -- I'll admit that
• I've snuck out so many times --that too
• My parents hardly know anything
• I think I'm stupid
• I've stayed up so late for almost a year--Got so little sleep
• I feel like the friends I've made through homeschooling mean nothing to me
• I'm asking myself what in the world I'm doing
• I've thought about how the world keeps going even though I stop
• I've actually thought about love for one whole year
• I don't know what I'm feeling except that I'm really confused

It's the first time............

Here we go again...and again and again.

You may be right, but. I hate it. and here we go again.

I don't know how I can do this year of homeschooling again. My heart has been torn apart from many different ways and heck.....a lot of times. Tears have flowed...I don't know....more than the world's waters and seas?

Sometimes, I just don't wanna live life. Sometimes, I just don't wanna be here, but knowing God has given me life, I just have to...no matter what.

Back to the Word

I think I've found another favorite passage. It's Matthew 6. It talks about many different things instead of only one--Giving to the Needy, Prayer, Fasting, Treasures in Heaven, and Not worrying.

I find this Chapter very uplifting. In each section, I have a favorite verse and I'd like to share it with you all.

Giving to the Needy: Matthew 6:1-4

Matt 6:3-4 says:

"But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."

• This verse constantly helps remind me to give to others with my heart. Put some love into it--don't just go through the motion (also from Fireproof).

Prayer: Matthew 6:5-15

Matt 6:6 says:

"But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."

• Do you know what I find ironic about this verse? In Daniel 6:10-12 it says:

"Now when Daniel learned that the decree had been published, he went home to his upstairs room where the windows were opened toward Jerusalem. Three times a day he got down on his knees and prayed, giving thanks to his God just as he had done before. then these men went as a group and found Daniel praying and asking God for help. So they went to the kind and spoke to him about his royal decree: "Did you not publish a decree that during the next thirty days anyone who prays to any god or man except you, O king would be thrown into the lions' den?"

The king answered, "The decree stands - in accordance with the laws of Medes and Persians, which cannot be repealed."

Read carefully where it is underlined. It said that he prayed in public, yet in Matthew 6:6, it says to pray in secret. I found out that, these two cases were different. Daniel prayed in public not because he wanted to boast, but because he wanted the officials to know that he wasn't scared if he were to be thrown into the lions den or not. God only wants us to be humble when we pray. We don't pray to boast to others--be humble.

Fasting: Matthew 6:16-18

Matt 6:17-18 says:

"But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."

• Again, here it says...do it in secret, and then your Father will reward you. Again it tells you not to be proud--be humble.

Treasures in Heaven: Matthew 6:19-24

Matt 6:21 says:

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

• I really need to learn from this verse. I have a lot of treasures that are not supposed to be there. Everyone should know my treasures for they are the things I do without being told--and for hours...not just minutes. Everyone should also know THEIR treasures for they are the things you do without being told--for hours...not minutes. I love this verse and the two verses above it which says: "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal." plainly because it tells you that heaven has much better things than the worldly things on earth. So don't store things on earth, but instead, store things with me in heaven.

Do not Worry: Matthew 6:25-34

Matt 6:34 says:

"Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

• I love this verse because I often worry about the next day. But it says in this section. Don't worry about what you wear, eat, drink, or your body because life is MUCH more important than all those details. God provides for you just as he provides for the birds in the air who don't sow or reap. Now come with me to a different view of the world. A view that never worries about tomorrow--because He will provide.

After writing any type of devotion, feedback is much appreciated. There may be some things where I'm uncertain, but still write on here. If you think something is wrong, then please don't hesitate to bring it up to me. I'm learning too, and it would be very helpful if you brought it up.

Trust in Him

Right now, I have no idea what to do. It's about this fall. It's coming in real fast, yet I'm still struggling on what to do.

If I go to MIHS, I gotta do all the registering again like....NOW. I don't even know if they'd let me graduate at MIHS--but that won't matter.......at least IF I get into BC next year. I need to call my counselor tomorrow. I need to figure out a lot of things. August is going to fly by so quickly, and if I don't get all this stuff done by then, I'll probably end up homeschooling again.

My mom's been ranting on how scared she is--but I'm scared too and she doesn't see that. I really don't know what to do but pray and give everything up to the Lord right now. But also as I say that, I wonder....why is it that we only go to Him through troubles? That needs to change. I don't go to my friends only because I'm in trouble.

Proverbs 3:5-6 says:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding; In all your ways, acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight."

My Testimony

July 22 – August 2, 2009

As many of you may know, I grew up with two lovely Christian parents, a loving sister, and a protective brother. Being born in a Christian family never gave me the “snap” moment-the moment that many of my friends who weren’t born in a Christian family had, and also the moment I sometimes wish I had. The hour of finally realizing what Jesus did for me. Instead, I heard the phrase, “Jesus loves you” almost everyday of my past 15 years from my parents. Sometimes, I wish that I weren’t born into a Christian family just so that I can experience what it’s like. But after all, I was born in this family and I know there must be a reason so I’m grateful.

If I were to think back a few years before, getting baptized would be something I would have never thought I’d do because I’d have to stand up here like this, and talk. Since I was born into a Christian family, I thought I wouldn’t have anything to talk about. It would just be, “Yes, I’ve accepted Jesus to be my personal Lord and Savior!” But now, I realize the importance of getting baptized; the importance of voicing out and telling everyone who you really are.

Honestly, I don’t remember when I really accepted Christ at all. All I remember is constantly asking him into my heart every single night; only because I knew that during the day, I must have done at least one thing wrong. When I was young, every time I did something wrong, I would freeze, look up, and ask, “Mommy? Is Jesus dying on the cross right now?!” I believe that I knew what I was doing when I prayed this prayer every night, but I didn’t know that this decision would change my life forever. Change my life into a life serving the Lord. Change my life into a life I don’t live for myself or for others but for him and only him. I never really understood anything until I grew a little older and my parents finally told me that I didn’t have to pray multiple times to accept Jesus. Once is enough, and it’s for a lifetime.

I enjoyed the lifestyle I had. I mean, going to church every Sunday. We would sing songs, have a weird/cool bible story and then go find our parents and EAT. Every Sunday of my life, not including all my away trips, I stuck with this routine without asking questions. Not till I grew older (about 7^th grade) did I really become serious about this religion.

Okay, now let’s take a total twist into the mission’s field. Three years ago, I spent my whole summer in HK. In the month of august, I attended a camp that trained me to go out for missions. It was called Gateway. It was the very first time I actually experienced God. This one week camp was filled with people from all over the world. During worship, I looked around to see all the people worshiping in their own special way. It was definitely a beautiful sight that I will remember for my whole life. After this camp, we branched out into different mission teams around HK. With my advantage of speaking English, I entered into a two week mission to teach English to children just around two or three years younger than me.

My first mission’s trip. I was 12 years old and also the youngest there. On the first day, when the team grouped together, the team leader gave me the position as the leader of one of the classes. Later, I pulled him aside to ask him why he gave me that position since I was so young. He simply said, “I see leadership in you Heather. May God lead you to guide these children.” I was starting to doubt God, but I accepted and walked away deep in thought. As the two weeks zoomed by, I started overcoming my own troubles in teaching the children. Though the weather was terribly stormy on the last day of the two weeks, the children still did their best to attend. God really blessed us with those two weeks of being able to share his word. We ended up with 35/43 children accepting Christ.

A couple years ago, my parents had a dream to go into missions with the whole family, and last December of 2008, the dream finally came true. This trip was totally different from my first trip. This trip to China was a much harder commitment to me.

My second mission’s trip. Before the trip, as any other teenage girl would say, I said, “I’m too young. I haven’t even reached the minimum age for going on this trip. God, why are you telling me to go? What could I be doing on this trip when I’m just about their age, or younger? I can’t even speak mandarin. Why not just spend this winter break with my friends?” From this mission’s trip, I’ve learned a bunch, but one of the many things that really stuck to my mind were these three words: ya gotta believe. My decision to go instead of stay for winter break is a decision I will never regret. Being as young as the children, I was able to bond better with them. This trip to CQ changed my views, and my life in a way. It taught me how to be appreciative of things, and that even though you don’t have much, you can still always be joyful. I think I learned more than the children learned in those two weeks. Overall, I found out that God really did have a plan for me, and all I had to do was believe.

As many of you know, I’m a home schooled girl. Homeschooling has always been an interesting aspect of my life. I’ve been homeschooled for just about nine years now. My parents constantly remind me of why they home school me- to build a godly character in me. I want to thank my parents for just what they’ve built me into.

My freshman year of my high school has just flown by. During this year, my fellowship, New Life, has been a great part of my life. The friends I’ve bonded with are like no other. When I was in Challengers – the middle school fellowship, going to church on Fridays was more like a routine I did. Now, with New Life, it’s more of finding my relationship with God all over again every week. I can’t deny those times where I’ve fallen straight down into a pit because of how I neglected God and my relationship with Him. And this is what I mean by “fallen straight down into a pit”. My attitude towards others showed up, my disobedience to my parents, and all the other things I could list. But Tung has always emphasized on going to God’s word whenever we have problems, and in Proverbs 15:1, it says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” This verse really helped me tone down my voice. Not saying it’s all good now, but I think it’s slowly getting better. Every week, as I continue to attend New Life, it has always brought me back on track with my relationship with Him.

Back in January, New Life, had a retreat named Capture/d/ with several other churches. On a Saturday night, everyone gathered in the main room. Four tables were set up with candles as our light. Each table had a different name: addictions, purity, depression, and worldly pursuits. We went around tables confessing everything: what happened in our lives, what we’re going through. Tears rolled down several students’ faces as we walked in circles, sat in a corner, or went to a counselor for prayers. God really showed up there while everyone was reflecting back onto what they had done. I personally had an awesome time there reflecting and also thinking about what God has done for me. Sometimes I think there are more that can be done, but actually, God has really given me everything I need.

Only after one single year, this fellowship already appears as a home with sisters and brothers to go to when I need them. I feel so blessed that God has brought them into my life. This year has really been an eventful year for me too. But throughout all the ups and downs, the end result was always going back to God, and everything flowed again like a river.

I’ve done so much wrong in this life of mine. But it says in 2 Corinthians 5:17:

“This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!”

So now, I’ll give up this current life of mine and let God, as the driver of my life, lead my new life.

August

It's already August 1st and I didn't even notice until literally NOW. Time flies doesn't it? It's just about a month from school..what should I do??

Sleeping in the Waves of Whidbey

So a day before we left, my parents told me I was going to Whidbey Island for a night. At first, I wasn't going to go, but I'm SO glad I went. It was soo beautiful! Actually, I find that I make so many last minute decisions that I actually will NEVER regret that I made.

Again, I couldn't sleep at night. This was the room we stayed in. It was cozy and high. There were windows to the left of this picture which faced the water. I have never seen a more artistic house than this. There's also another house my parents slept in. That house was awesome too--I'll post a photo of it later.

At night and in the morning, you could hear

the waves splashing onto the shore. That sound is the most precious sound of my life. Every lap of the water on the shore took up all my breath. It is truely very different from sleeping with the sounds of the night. This is partly why I love the beach so much. I love the water. What wonders of the Lord!

Although this weekend hasn't ended yet, it has been amazing so far. A lot of thinking has been done in the past few weeks. My brain is fried, but I'm still working. =)

This was part of the other house. I love the design! I wish I had a designed house like this. This is what outside of the middle picture looked like:

I feel so blessed to be able to experience this kind of wildlife. It's such a blessing. Actually, since yesterday, I started feeling nervous about my baptismal. Everything's planned now and I'm happy--thanks to Melissa Ling, but....I feel like I wasn't focused a lot on my testimony and actual baptismal. It's time to get in gear. What am I really doing? Have I really thought about what I am doing before I even signed up? I suddenly feel like something's going to go wrong tomorrow. I've planned so much, now is it going to work? Maybe this is why I couldn't sleep last night. I hope that God really speaks through me on stage tomorrow.

I just read a little devotion from my email. It said: "Being a Vessel to Bless Others" What does that really mean? The verse that came with it was:

"One man gives freely, yet gains even more; another withholds unduly, but comes to poverty. A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed." Proverbs 11:24-25

It's Fireproof Right?

I'm writing cause I can't sleep. These days have really been draining all my energy out cause of the heat. But I don't know why I can't sleep tonight. Images and thoughts keep passing through my mind. Random thoughts about how I'm going to say my testimony. Random thoughts about "you". Why did they come back? This afternoon, I sat on the couch downstairs and accidentally started thinking about "you" again. (haha. some of you reading right now probably know exactly who I'm talking about. Esp. the one reading NOW. haha)

I'm so tired and I'm yawning literally like....every minute, yet I can't fall asleep.

I watched fireproof today. Such a great movie! While watching, some things really occur ed to me though. Caleb got respect from the outside world cause he respected them and did things for them. (he gained his respect outside of home.) But with his wife, he expected her to do everything for him.

My thoughts: Is that how I treat my mom too? Do I expect her to do everything for me? Is my attitude towards her like this man is in the beginning of this movie? Hm....maybe that's how I need to change too...ya think?

Many things really struck me as I watched this movie. It made me realize my own attitude. It made me realize how God works in others and it also made me yearn more for God.

I cried in the movie when I saw how this man changed and how God really worked in him. Such a sweet movie. I think it's also a great testimony too. Something great to watch before your baptismal.

It's also great to have friends who care sooooo much for you and lead you in the right path. I really want to be a friend like that. I want to be a friend who leads my friends to Christ. (To lead them to know who he really is-a great, powerful, and loving God.)

Okay. I think I'm finally ready for some sleep now.

Writing my Testimony

I'm getting baptized this Sunday and I had to write my testimony. I haven't had such a great experience in so long. It made me have to think about what happened with my life before. My mind trailed off into stories of my childhood. At first I found it hard to write my testimony. I sat for three days pondering on what I should write not knowing how to start. I had all my ideas down on paper, but I just couldn't put them into words. I took walks everyday to get my mind to think instead of sitting in front of the computer typing a sentence and then deleting it. It didn't help much.

This was the time for me to reflect on my life. This past year so much has happened. So eventful. If I were to tell about this year, it would be as long as the past 13 years of my life. That's how much I've been through this year.

There's so much to talk about. About my past life. What has really happened? God really opened up my eyes to what happened in my life while writing this testimony of mine. I'm thankful that I'm finally going through this experience.

Precious Friendship

I don't know why I started crying in the car yesterday. I just couldn't hold it in. It was that last part. I want to thank you for what you wrote. It kinda opened up my eyes yesterday to certain things. It's greatly appreciated. I'm so glad you're in my life. I don't know what I'd do without you. Thank you.

Also, I wanna apologize for what happened in that message. I didn't mean to say something bad, but I couldn't really hold back from pressing the enter button. It's just that when you said, "can she drive", my heart sunk really deep. I was thinking, "Why did she have to ask that? Why does she want him to go that badly? Can't she even have a day without him?" I know you can, but honestly, that was what I was thinking.

~Your In-Law <3

Sister-Brother Wars #1

My cousins are over. We were eating lunch and I broke out into a fight with my brother. I can't really say it totally wasn't my fault, cause it probably was partly my fault. But I don't think it was my fault. Arguing about such little things like, I don't want his food..and him making me eat it is really not worth it. Esp. arguing in front of my parents. I didn't like the way he said, "oh, and you're getting baptized next week? I wish you weren't." Man, did that start my fire. But snapping back at him wasn't really the best idea for me to do. I shouldn't have, but if I kept quiet, he would go on for another freakin five minutes saying all this idiotic stuff. I just couldn't listen to his voice sometimes. I need to learn to block out peoples voices sometimes-well, not in that way. But I need to learn to take things onto my plate and clear it if I don't like it and it's not true like my sister said.

I wish I didn't break out into a fight with him at the lunch table. I gave such a bad image to my cousins. Yes, finally I'm feeling guilty about that. But what can I do? It already happened.

P.S. I named it #1 since I know that they're probably going to be more. haha it's great right?

Common Days

I'm getting baptized in a week. I don't know what to think or what to do. Things finally have kinda calmed down. The house is cleaned, the stress is gone (somewhat), there's no drama, etc.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm teaching my sunday school kids the right things. I feel like I act differently around them than not around them. Gotta work on that. Anyways, I'm heading to bed now. Night!~

List:

• Edit Testimony
• Get homework done
• Do devotions
• Pray about....anything but esp. baptism
• Stop stressing people out

Haha, am I a burden to people? *sigh.

These few days, my brothers really been ordering me around. I dislike it so much. I just wanna smack him on the head and say....stop ordering me around you freak. But, I'll keep that to myself instead. Things have been so hectic at home. I wanna go out. I wanna head out to get some air.

Following Footsteps

I'm reading my sister's blog right now and new thoughts have entered my mind. She has told me not to follow in her footsteps before. I'm sure she knows what she's doing may not be right. I've also thought about it.

What are MY expectations for my spouse? The main one: He has to be a Christian. Will that really happen? I mean, if I come across a guy I really like later....and he's not a Christian what will I do? This used to be my sister's expectations of the guy she likes too, but when she met Jason, it was totally different. I'm starting to wonder if that will ever happen to me. How will I react when I find someone who I really like and then find out that he's not a Christian -- or in fact, a Christian, but only on the "outside"?

After finishing up her blogs, I thought back to my relationship with Geoffrey. Was I really not ready for it? Did I only act according to what was happening? It's true that I don't regret anything that happened....but now that I think back, I really wasn't ready for a relationship. Maybe that's why God didn't let it go on.

Back on track. Yes. I don't wanna follow in my beloved sister's footsteps, but what will I do if the same thing happens to me? Recently, a lot of things that happened to her with my mom has been happening to me. We basically have the exact same upbringing. My brother on the other hand, is just like my mom and follows EXACTLY in her footsteps. He tells her everything on his mind -- or tries to. My sister and I are on a total different level with my mom than he is and ever will be.

Although I'm just like my sister, I still don't wanna follow in her footsteps for my future. I love her dearly, but it's just not my dream to follow her. As for now, I know that this is true -but will it be in the future?

Flowing River of Tears and Raging Sea of Anger

Crying in front of the computer is totally different from crying in front of someone eh? When you're in front of the computer, you're crying to the screen. No one can see you. You don't have to type a message to the other person if you don't wanna, and they still won't know. They won't know how you're really feeling, they won't know what you look like. It's always just that display picture that covers up your real face.

When you're on the computer talking to someone, they're trying to cheer you up using words-mechanical words. You can't hear their voice. You can't hear the way they say it-is it entergetic or slow and calm? When you're talking online, they can't see the tears flowing from your eyes into your lap. They can't hear the sorrowful cries from your mouth.

On the other hand, when you're with someone, you're probably crying in their arms no matter who it is. Spilling your emotions out just cause it's the fact that you can't hold it in. Tears flow like a raging river. No matter how much you want them to stop, they don't. You can't help but just sit there and keep on using the shoulder next to you.

Thanks for helping my friends. I love you all. Through my toughest times, you guys are there.

BUT....

As long as I'm mad, sometimes, I don't even listen to what my friends say. Just like now. I can't help but just pout at everything. Not having my way? Is that really why I'm this mad? Not being able to even go to the mall tomorrow with them? This woman...she talked about the house..the schoolwork, the everything. All she could talk about was work work work.

Can't watch Harry Potter with them either just cause it's about witchcraft? I know you're right about this one. We've gone through movie watching before. Horror Movies. I know that. Approaching my friends and having to tell them why I can't go-having them gasp at my reply-makes me feel like an idiot. This is for my own good..but because of my anger, I can't take it.

I don't think my parents will let me get baptized. They went over it again. Coming out of the water while getting baptized means that you throw your old self away, and here's your new self. Just like 2 Corinthians 5:17 which says:

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"

They're saying that I haven't even prepared to throw my old attitude away. Actually, to be honest...ever since I've mentioned getting baptized in front of them, they've been watching me more carefully and telling me every detail of what I've been doing. A lot of the times, they say: "Do this, or don't get baptized."

There's a lot in me to change huh.. There's a lot I need to improve on right? Parents....I know they're for good, but really, what IS God telling me through them?

Stresses

I don't know how to write this out, but I'll try my best. Here it goes. (About the week of 6/20/09 half written at 11:45pm)

An hour went by, then two, then three, and then finally four. Four whole hours wasted in one day. The family sat in the living room. Everything was still and quiet. Not a single word left our mouths. Not even a breath was heard.

We started with a small devotional gathering in the living room which turned out to be a raging sea. Why does mom always think that we're all ganging up against her? It's so not true. It bothers me when she thinks she's right....but really, she's not. She doesn't know how deeply she's hurt me.

Mom's not talking to anyone right now. She's just in her little cucoon...isolated from everyone else. She's sleeping in the laundry room right now. *sigh. I really don't know what to do with her. Making Dad carry her all the way upstairs into his their room and then crying cause she it hurts so bad when he drags her across the wooden floor. How can she do that? Her yells and screams never leave my mind. She makes others obey and listen to her, when she doesn't even consider what others tell HER to do.

Things went on for hours. Seems like things are going to continue forever and ever. This week is/was horrible. The most stressful week of my life. Oh look! A white strand of hair!

I guess I'll just leave everything up to the Lord now. Everything's going to be in his hands. This family will (I hope) reconcile.

Turning Point

It was during a sermon that I found out that Esther Chow wanted to get baptized too. Coincidentally, we both were thinking about getting baptized since Easter. From then on, we began making plans together. We spoke with Tung and Julie, and they said that someone else wanted to get baptized too, but it would have to be in the Summer for her. We had a big debate about having it in the Summer or during the School year in November. If we had it in the Summer, the friends that she would like to have there would be there, but the friends I had would not. If we had it during the school year, then it would be the other way around.

We made our conclusions several times until the week of VBS. Then we made our FINAL decision to do it in the Summer.

During all the delema, I kinda felt as if I were getting baptized based on who was there and who wasn't. Everything went through my mind with "oh, but he's not coming!" or "oh, but she can't make it!" I would very much like these people to come, but if most of the people can come on both dates, and only one person is missing in the summer, then why bother to change the whole thing to a later time? Why do things have to be so difficult and stressful?

Why am I getting baptized? A lot of people give excuses like, "I'm not ready to get baptized." But from what I've learned, you're supposed to get baptized when you become a Christian. As for me, I don't even remember when I became a Christian. Even though I may not remember, I feel like I've been given the call to get baptized. It has been on my mind for a long time already, so why not just go for it?

I'm excited for the day to come, but I still need to set some goals for this "new life" of mine. I don't know if I've really given a lot of thought to "commiting" my life to God. Taking the narrow road towards success.

The Weekend

This past weekend was just great. Lake Chelan was beautiful, but not as beautiful as I thought it would be. (July 10-12, 2009)

Day 1: Getting to Chelan.
As always, we left late. Yes, we're asians alright? Don't judge us. haha JK. At first, we were supposed to leave at 9am with everyone else. Then Dad changed it to 12pm cause we didn't want to wake up so early. We ended up leaving at around 3pm. What a joke. *sigh, so much for that plan!

We arrived at Chelan around 6pm. There was no doubt that everyone was already there. Mabel, Ken, and Ken's cousins were there. That day, I met his cousins: Anthony, Bennett, and Phelim(Philly). They're fun to be around.

Day 2: Full of Fun.
I woke up at around 4am and looked at my camera's clock. When I saw that it was 4, I was liike..."NO WAY!" I went to sleep just to wake up at 5:30am. After waking up twice, I couldn't sleep anymore, so I went down to the beach to have some quiet time and take some pictures. While taking some, I met a photographer who taught me some basics. I posed while he snapped the shutter and the camera went "click".

Near the middle of the day, I injured myself. Left knee and wrist. I laid a huge burden on others to stay with me and help me go places. I felt really bad. Mabel piggy-backed me a lot that night.

At around 10-11pm that night, we all went down to the beach again. Ken and Bennett swam out to the bouy-what an interesting sight. When they came back, we all sat in a circle on the grass and started talking, telling jokes, and playing stupid brain jokes. We ended up getting back to camp at 1am.

This day was the day where we (children) played football, went to the beach, and ate. That was mostely what we did. I got to know Ken's cousins better under the scourching 96 degree F sun.

Day 3: Just about to Leave.
For me, this day was a bit tragic. All I did was sit in a chair and ice my knee and ate. Everyone else ate, packed, had worship, and then we all left.

Minds

He's just a couple clicks of my mouse away, but no. I'm not going to do it.

Sometimes I wonder to myself. Why even block people? There's no point in doing it. I guess it's just for myself. I mean, they'll be able to see me on fb and gmail anyways.....so what DOES it matter?

Lack of Posts

Sorry about not posting for so long. So much has already happened and I cannot keep up. I also truely thank those who give their time into reading these posts. I would love to hear your feedback too! If you think something's wrong, or just want to talk about something, feel free to contact me on Facebook or email! =)
For those who don't know my email, it's: daretodream1.1k@gmail.com

Thanks again! Here's to another post:

VBS started 3 days ago, and it's going pretty well despite my mood swings and all. Some children are quiet, and some are loud and disruptive at times. During these three days, I think that today was the most hectic day. Running up and down the stairs, in and out of rooms, around in circles in the classroom, and finally, into the sanctuary.

I go to church everyday at around 3-4, have a meeting with the TA's, and Pastor Ellie, eat dinner, and then go upstairs to meet the children. Such a long day. I get back home at 10.

Sweat pours down my body as I help the kids in every way I can. Some of the children just like to bring trouble...and I don't appreciate that. But through these experiences, I know God wants me to learn how to keep my patience with the children-something I really gotta learn...and fast.

I'm teaching Sunday School this sunday, and I haven't prepared yet. I feel a lack of time since VBS has been going on. I'm supposed to be doing my homework, but I'm always on the computer when I'm not at church. Procrastination is such a failure at life. I hate it....but why do I seem so attached to it? haha. I. wonder.