Promises To Keep

I promised myself that I would stop. I even told a friend...but did it happen? No. It didn't. I'm afraid that it'll hurt me later on. But not just me, others too. When will I learn? Ohhh, when will I learn. Keeping my own promises. Not only keeping the ones I make to others, but the ones I make to myself.

Hmmm, my friends are right. I am pretty stubborn.

Psalm 71:20-21

"Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once more."
Psalm 71:20-21

A cure called comfort. You should try it too. :]

21 Hours

It's been 21 hours and I'm not even hungry yet. What's wrong with me? Haha, the chips I ate last night at 8pm probably filled me. =P Kidding!

I'm not exactly sure why I'm not hungry at this point. This is so bad for me though, so I think I'm going to break the run. Looks like I'm not going to have any problem with the 30 hr famine this year! :] So much fun. I can't wait.

So I'm cleaning my room by throwing things away..oh, joy. Haven't done any school work today..haven't eaten anything YET. And I wanna go running, but I have a feeling I'm going to skip out on it. Everyone's busy and I'm just at home almost doing nothing. Tolo's today, Bowling today, and also Jenna's concert today..oh, and a birthday party at CBC. Hmm...=[

Well, back to work!

Home-Sometimes Not What You Imagine

Sometimes home is not what you imagine. Everywhere you go there's walls. Sometimes there's people around, and sometimes..you're just alone. But when everyone's gathered, it becomes an argument. Mouths start chattering with words falling out..eyes start closing as tears drip out, and hands start shaking as you bring them up to wipe your face.

People say that everything can be solved. In a situation, nothing is impossible to solve in a family. And since we're all brothers and sisters, then there's no problem right?

These couple days have been such a drag. Yelling back and forth, emotions going up and down, not knowing if I should turn right of left, not knowing if what I want to do is the right thing to do. I really can't describe how much I want everything to be over. I just wanna run far far away. I wanna run wherever the wind takes me. When I was young, my aunts and uncles used to tell me that I was so light, the wind could blow me away. I wish that were true. I wish I was a feather, and that I could go anywhere the wind blew me towards. Wishful thinking huh?

It's like wanting a fairytale to be true. Though what is true..is that it'll never come true. After living for 15 years..almost 16, I feel like half of it was a waste. My heart is scattered in so many different places right now. On the street-waiting to be run over, In t he soil-waiting to be trampled over, and On the shore-waiting to be washed away. How can I gather them up again? It's like gathering all the feathers from a pillow that you ripped as they blow away. You don't know where they've gone. They could have been blown half way across the world. You just can't gather all the blown away feathers again.

Problems that can be solved, where are you? The ones that love, where are you? The ones that CARE, where are you? The ones that don't argue over the stupidest reasons, where are you? The ones that have a love for God and not materials, where are you? The ones that have a love for each other, where are you? The ones that shine the glory of God, where are you?

The ones that bring the swayed ones back on track, where are you? The ones that share the gospel where are you?

I'm pretty sure that another long week is coming up. I'll just have to get through it like I usually do. Lets boost up the prayers and the devos.

Dare2Share: Blaze

~Day One~
What a substance-filled introduction from Dare 2 Share tonight. A blazing fire that's waiting for you in the pits of Hades, or a wonderful place full of joy named Heaven? Which one will you choose? He said--the speaker--that God's responsibility is to save others. Ours is to share, and theirs is to believe. So why should we be scared of sharing our faith with others? It's our responsibility! Our PRIORITY.

In the drama at the end of the night, I was actually really surprised to see the movie that they played. When David said that he wanted Naomi to listen to his scream and torment in Hades so that she'll remember what she did to him forever, I thought that was absolute crazy. This might not have been the message through the play..but this is part of what I got out of it. I thought that David would tell Naomi how bad it was in hell, and tell her to try harder to share with others. I didn't think he would want to scar her for life. I mean, in the play she DID share with him..as the old park missionary said. Such a mind blowing thought. It scared me to death.

~Day Two~
Ahhh, late night sleep and early rise and shine on day two of D2S. Today was great. The sun was shining on Key Arena, and everyone was busy buzzing around inside.

So many messages to take in. So many thoughts that come flooding through. Coming through one ear and going out the next. I totally failed on taking notes. Everything was just so sudden. All I could hear echoing through my ears were: "Spread it! Spread it! You never know when it's too late!" Why is it so hard to spread the word? Why do we always fall back on telling our friends? It's supposed to be a good thing. It's supposed to be a happy topic, but we all treat it like it's invisible. It's news. News travels, but before it does, it needs our help. News can't travel without the help of a person's mouth.

It should be the gossip of the year. That He is coming back soon. It should be the new hot topic. Because He is a celebrity too. He came to earth, he died, and he left. He was a celebrity at that time. Now He's coming back. Isn't that the greatest news of all? That should be on the front covers. It shouldn't be anything else. That news should be able to pull through for the next decade.

~End~
Honestly, I never finished this post until today-May12-, so I don't remember much. But I do know that it was a great experience for me. I don't know where else I could receive that teaching. Where else would you learn how to evangelize? Where else can you get that fire to go around school and spread the Gospel? Everything in this retreat was great help. But now, it's May 12, and I still haven't done anything. I haven't tried hard enough and now I know what they mean. I haven't been living The Cause. I haven't been living anything out. Everything I've been thinking about has been about me. It's hard. It's a challenge, but will you take it with me?

Today, I'm not gonna lie, I'm really disappointed with myself. I've heard the message already. They've done their best. Why am I not putting anything into action? I'm a homeschooler. I don't get out much. Not many of my friends aren't Christian. <---that's my excuse. But it's useless. Excuses are useless. They don't do anything but bring you down. No, they don't bring you down. They drag you down instead. How do I start? Hmmm. I have no idea, but I intend to figure out somehow. First by praying. This is hard. This is a challenge, but are you willing to take it with me? (And yes, I meant to write that twice. It wasn't a mistake.)

Weekend: 3.12.10

First night of Dare 2 Share! It's going to be a blast. I hope. I'm not sure if you could say I'm excited to go right now just because I have so much to do...ohhh what a long weekend waiting for me. But I do need a boost when it comes to my relationship with God. Maybe I'll get that tonight?

Just finished making one batch of sushi with my sister and Jason. Pretty fun. I would post a picture, but sorry..I don't have a camera right now. <--ohh, how I wish the other one didn't have a problem. I haven't done much today. Wish three people a bigg happy birthday..watch a movie, make sushi, laugh and play, oh no...what about homework? Haha, mm, now THAT just went over my head.

I'm excited for what's ahead of me in my life..but at the same time I'm scared. What will I turn into? Why is studying and getting into college so important. Most of all, what is WRONG with this community? They're crazy....don't even get me started. =P haha. I wanna make new friends. No, this doesn't mean I'm going to throw away my old ones, just..I wanna make new ones. New supporters. New friendship that will last me a whole life time. Maybe it'll help me forget the ones I want to--and start a new life at the same time! What do you think?

I thought this was going to be a new year for me. I thought I set some goals. I thought I started on them too, but nooo. I thought wrong. I've been dragging them out --way to long now. Gotta start. First, back into devos. Second, back into education. Third, lets let go of some things --the past and the present. :] I'm READY. Lets do this.

Christianity

What is so hard to accept in this religion? That someone named Jesus came to earth and died on the cross and rose three days later? But in the midst of his life, he did many miracles, proved people wrong, and also preached to others? Why is it so hard for others to believe? Just plainly believe and accept it?

Is it Satan? Is it what they do everyday that keeps them from the truth? Or is it even that I'm wrong and they're right? So many questions. So little time to answer them. And also all those questions that I can't seem to find the answer to..but I just KNOW it's right. I know that I'm right. But how do I explain it to the opposing team?

There's a friend who's struggling. Not just one actually, but many. How do I bring them to Christ? How can I be that example for them?

Another Month

Oh Geez...It's March already! Can you believe how fast time can go by? And also how slow it can too? I sometimes wish it would just...all STOP.

Though I guess as of now, I need time not to stop. I need it to keep going and going and going....until I start to forget some of my past memories. They are fading now..but not enough.

Another month to pass. Another month to go through. Another month in life. Time Time time. I've heard that it's everything to people.

I haven't actually given any update on this blog about my life in a long time. For the past month I've been thinking about going for Running Start (RS). I attended two meetings, and I need to register for the test by March 22nd. If I do, I'll probably end up taking the May 1st test. What a bummer. They made it harder..just for me. :]

Questions have been flying through my head recently. Sometimes I just don't know how to stop them, so I just sit at my desk daydreaming. Dreaming about...if I did this, then what would happen? If I asked this, what would happen? If I...If I..If I. It was always about me...Oh, let me throw one more question in. If I don't make it into BC, what will my life be?

I don't know the future. I can't tell what's going to happen, but I can certainly make things happen in the meantime. Like studying for that test--to make sure I get in? I hate being lazy. I hate procrastination. Why is there procrastination in the world anyways? It doesn't benefit us in any way..

Summer. I probably won't be going anywhere. Honestly, I'm not that excited for summer other than no homework. Everyone's going to be doing their own stuff, when I'm sitting around doing nothing..almost. I heard from my parents that we were going on a road trip down to Cali for six flags. Who knows if that's going to happen. State hopping again? :] That would be fun. Hopefully it won't end like last time. hahaha.

I need to plan something for my Summer. I have a feeling I want to do these:

1. Life Guard Training
2. Work--Starbucks, Marywayte, somewhere..
3. Chinese?

What else can I do? OH. Work out. hahaha. What a great summer. I can feel it already...not

But for now, there's already so much to think about. So many questions....so many actions. I have to say though, this school year's almost over..and it went by WAY too quickly. But then again, if I think back, it also went wayyyy too slowly. Just maybe at some parts? =P

Living life is hard, but I guess it's time to put my life back into order and let God lead it again.

Knowledge + Action = Faith

So there was a devotion that I read today. It contains a verse from Hebrews and I just wanted to share it with all of you out there. --of course, including my thoughts about it.

For we also have had the gospel preached to us, just as they did; but the message they heard was of no value to them, because those who heard it did not combine it with faith. -Hebrews 4:2

This goes back to Dis-eased. We talked about faith...and in small group, I talked about how faith without deeds doesn't do anything. Just like how I was going to give up on going to the retreat itself. Instead, I put it into action, and was able to go to retreat. That's one of the decisions that I will never regret.

"For we also have had the gospel preached to us, just as they did" What about the ones that have never heard about the gospel? Well, I think it says that their judgment will come later on too. And that they will also have a chance to believe.

"But the message they heard was of no value to them." Do you think the sermons you hear are of value to you? Do you think that you could put what you hear from the church, radio, counselors, and parents into your daily use? I'm still working on it..and my, is it hard.

"because those who heard it did not combine it with faith." Ever give a second thought to whatever you hear? If it's good, what did you do about it? Have faith that it'll happen in your life, and then leave it alone? Faith without deeds doesn't do anything...

I think this past month this is what I've learned most. That faith can't do anything alone. It needs your action, and your help.

A Friend That's Always There For Me

She's a friend that would do anything for her parents. She's a friend that will try her hardest to not make them mad. So what do I do when in the process she gets hurt? She can't come out to see me because she's afraid that her parents will be mad. She loves them, but she hates them. How can I help her? in any way??

I love her...but idk what I can do for her. She's always here for me, now how can I be there for her this time? It's just so difficult..