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Everyone have enough turkey for the year???? Thanksgiving/Fall/Winter is my favorite time for during school because it's the time where you get the most BREAKS. :] Yeah, I need them. Dunno what I'd do without them... There's Thanksgiving and Black Friday, and then just about two weeks after that, we get almost a WHOLE month of winter break. Anyways, back on track:
There's much going on after a full weekend. School starts again, everything is "back to normal". This past couple days have been a really longgggg weekend for me. I'm not sure why but I find that there is always at least one thing bothering me in life. Actually, this weekend there has been a couple things on my mind. I'm not gunna lie here, since honesty is really what this blog of mine is for.
One of the main subjects of my wandering mind is this certain someone. Have you ever felt ignored or felt like you're annoying this one person? I kinda feel like that. It's either I'm being ignored, or I'm just bothering this person too much--I think the second one is more reasonable for this person. I don't really know how to deal with it. It rings in my mind forever and ever till...who knows when.
For some odd--not really--reason, my mind has been stuck on the fact that I might not be able to go to the ECC praise night. Is it really what I need right now--no, I don't think so. I really want to go, but I know that my schedule will hardly allow that. It's a little disappointing to me to think that my mind's not only on going to ECC for the praise night.
This part is really random, but also....something's been triggering me to actually learn how to write and read chinese. Both cantonese and manderin. It's bothering me a lot that I can't read or write it. Now, where should I start???? It's always easier to talk than to do. *sigh
The last thing that's been on my mind for quite sometime now--not only this weekend--is the fact that I want a closer relationship with God. I feel like I've been slacking off a lot lately. Not only have I not been doing my devos, but I feel like I have no energy to fufil anything in life. I have no energy to study hard--which is what I really need to do right now. I really wanna study hard, and get into BC next year. I know what I'm thinking for myself is good, but at the same time, I don't know why it's so hard to put into action. There's only one thing I've been waiting on since what seems like forever. It's still that certain someone I'm waiting for to make my life joyful again. But I shouldn't be waiting. That something that I'm waiting for should be my relationship with God right? It should be all I need. So how do I fix my broken relationship? This relationship is not like others. It's not easy to fix, but it's not impossible.
Goals:
- Develop my relationship with God again.
- Learn how to write and read Chinese.
- Listen to God's calling instead of running off on my own about certain things.
- Control my thoughts.
Haven't gotten anything done today. There's this paper I have to write. I wanted to finish the draft today, but there seems to be something else on my mind. It's about the future. Not about school, not about my life, but about something else. Something that I don't want to think about, yet at every moment, I am. I wish for it to happen, but I'm afraid to ask, to talk, to speak, even to listen. I'm not sure what has gotten into me today. At the beginning of the day, I was thinking that this week would fly by since I didn't have school on Wed or Thurs. But as time passes, only stress overwhelms me. Maybe it's not stress. Maybe it's just selfishness?
*sigh. Anyways, better get back to work. I didn't really say the main point in this blog...but, it's more for me anyways. Thanks for reading if you did. <3
My parents are back again. Gotta get back into shape. This past week has been fun, but it's time to get it going again. Sometimes I just wish I could live life alone without any parents, but too bad--I'd miss them. =P
So much homework on my hands. Math needs to be finished by Sunday night, and I have like...5 lessons still. History needs to be sped up--I still need to do my paper, and study for a test this Thursday. Writing/Literature? Haha, don't even talk about that. Reading the Odyssey is soo boring. Broadway--gotta practice.
I've had so much fun this week that I don't even know what to do right now. Just gotta get my homework done. I think I won't be sleeping tonight......Even though tomorrow is Sunday, and I need to go to church. I hope tomorrow's going to go well.
Tonight's check list:
- Math: Lessons 5.5-5.7
- Writing: Odyssey Books 7-10
- History: Read Ch. 6 and study
*sigh. I should get working. Soo stressed now.
It never occurred to me that something like that would happen again. Breakdowns, meltdowns, everything, but in front of someone? Also, especially that one person? It was just great. I now have really realized what people mean by, "I don't know why I'm feeling like this." Cause that's exactly how I felt last night. To be honest I was a little disappointed in myself and what I did. I felt like I was bringing down all my friends. You guys have all helped me so much in different ways. When it comes to what I want to do, it seems like I just go ahead and do it. I might ask you or tell you, but I never end up listening to what you guys have to say. And that's what happened last night. Walking over there made me realize my mistake. It made me realize that I just crushed all my hard work in the past couple months. But I just could not help it. As Cindy says, "both ways hurt you." So true. At least right now it is. I never wanted it to happen, but it just kinda did.
Is making people worry about me my profession? Everyone around me tries to help me, but I end up just making them all worried about me.
My river flows when I'm hurt. Sometimes I can stop it, but I couldn't last night. I'm glad about what happened last night, because I just can't think otherwise. Thanks....gohh for everything. <3>
