So tomorrow's the big studying day. I'm quite nervous for Saturday.. Which is the BC entrance test. I'm sure I'll do fine...but I'd really really really feel stupid if I didn't make it in. It's all so fuzzy. My future. What I want to do. But I know this. I wanna get out. I want to go somewhere where it's quite and just focus on my surrounding. I don't wanna be so stressed. I want to just let it all out. Live my life happily like everything is fine. Unfortunately, life is hard. Life isn't just full of pleasure. Oh, yes. we wish it were.
I'm already feeling a bit stressed about a small test on Saturday. Now tell me how I'm going to get through this again? Tell me how I'm going to do it with this kinda mood.... *sigh.
4.29.2010
4.26.2010
Another Working Day To Fulfill
So here it goes to another day! Last week I got lazy off of math and had to do one weeks worth of it in one night. I don't think I slept till 4am. =[ It's alright though. I got 4 hours of sleeeep. Ahhh..sleep. Sounds so good. But here's to a new day with a bunch of new homework. And also to a new WEEK. Lets do this!
ahh, so tired.
I'm soo excited to read everyone's stories on Wed! Hopefully we'll get to share. :] ...just not mine =x
ahh, so tired.
I'm soo excited to read everyone's stories on Wed! Hopefully we'll get to share. :] ...just not mine =x
All Done!
After a LONG night of MATH homework..I'm finally off to sleep (:
Ahhh. Sleep. It has never felt better. <3
Treasure it. Whenever you have it.
Ahhh. Sleep. It has never felt better. <3
Treasure it. Whenever you have it.
4.24.2010
My First Love
So before I passed my book along, I was reading Crazy Love. It's a great book. Something struck me while I was reading it.
It said that if you love someone, they would always be on your mind. That's great. It's so true too. I believe that if you truly love someone, they'd be on your mind no matter what. So why is God so rarely on my mind? Do I really "not love him"? So many things in this world are always on my mind..Food, homework, family, friends, etc. But I find that the only thing I'm missing is the word "God". My relationship with Him. It's not going anywhere! Communication..Prayers...
It has definitely been on my mind. The question of "Do I really love God the way I sing that I do?" Am I just saying things? Am I being a hypocrite right now? Often in worship the leader says, "I want you guys to sing what you REALLY mean." But I do think that we sing those words just because they're up on the projector. What if we made our own words to the song? Would they be the same? Probably not. Of course I wouldn't want to admit that I don't love God by not singing the song. If I made up a song. It'd probably end up being.
"Lord I love you
but I don't know how to show you.
Lord I love you
but you're not constantly on my mind
Lord I love you
but I need to see you
Lord I love you
but I don't think I know what love means"
Ok, so it's not that case that I don't love God. I really do. I guess I just have to think of Him more. He needs to be constantly on my mind instead of so many other things. It's true that faith plays a big part in this. The people you love..yes, you can see them. God, nope. You can't see him. It takes a huge amount of faith to even know that He's there. I've heard this question before: "What if God ISN'T real? What if you find out later that He's not real. That you just made a fool out of yourself singing and jumping like that?" Then I heard an answer: "I don't mind. I rather make myself look stupid than be wrong like you later." Yeah, that would be my answer too. I rather make myself look like a fool dancing and jumping for God than not believing in Him and then being thrown into the pits of Hades later just to be tortured.
People say that God is their First Love. They tell you to think of him as your First Love. Because when you think of Him as your first love, you give everything to Him. He's always the first in your thoughts. He's always the first in everything you do. So what should I do when He's rarely on my mind? Does it really mean that I don't "love" Him?
It said that if you love someone, they would always be on your mind. That's great. It's so true too. I believe that if you truly love someone, they'd be on your mind no matter what. So why is God so rarely on my mind? Do I really "not love him"? So many things in this world are always on my mind..Food, homework, family, friends, etc. But I find that the only thing I'm missing is the word "God". My relationship with Him. It's not going anywhere! Communication..Prayers...
It has definitely been on my mind. The question of "Do I really love God the way I sing that I do?" Am I just saying things? Am I being a hypocrite right now? Often in worship the leader says, "I want you guys to sing what you REALLY mean." But I do think that we sing those words just because they're up on the projector. What if we made our own words to the song? Would they be the same? Probably not. Of course I wouldn't want to admit that I don't love God by not singing the song. If I made up a song. It'd probably end up being.
"Lord I love you
but I don't know how to show you.
Lord I love you
but you're not constantly on my mind
Lord I love you
but I need to see you
Lord I love you
but I don't think I know what love means"
Ok, so it's not that case that I don't love God. I really do. I guess I just have to think of Him more. He needs to be constantly on my mind instead of so many other things. It's true that faith plays a big part in this. The people you love..yes, you can see them. God, nope. You can't see him. It takes a huge amount of faith to even know that He's there. I've heard this question before: "What if God ISN'T real? What if you find out later that He's not real. That you just made a fool out of yourself singing and jumping like that?" Then I heard an answer: "I don't mind. I rather make myself look stupid than be wrong like you later." Yeah, that would be my answer too. I rather make myself look like a fool dancing and jumping for God than not believing in Him and then being thrown into the pits of Hades later just to be tortured.
People say that God is their First Love. They tell you to think of him as your First Love. Because when you think of Him as your first love, you give everything to Him. He's always the first in your thoughts. He's always the first in everything you do. So what should I do when He's rarely on my mind? Does it really mean that I don't "love" Him?
Live it
So yes, it's been a FULL month (actually..almost) since I've posted in here. My goodness! Why does time fly so quickly?
It's nearing the summer and it's the time where everyone starts slacking...majorly. Not saying that I don't slack within the year. Oh, you have NO idea. In some classes, it's the time where teachers pile everything that they have left on your shoulders. Nope. Not a good time. Summer's near and I'm sure all you can think of is...no school, vacation, and of course..friends. Homework's starting to get on my nerves. I hate those times where it's sunny out but I'm just stuck inside writing a paper--which is, yes. what I'm doing now. =P
Oh, but you can't forget blogging right? haha, my apologies to those who check my blog consistently -coughjeremycough- and don't get anything out of it because I don't post anything. Ohh, the busy days I have staring at the computer screen not wanting to do anything but sit on the couch and possibly just fall asleep.
Five weeks or 40 days till school gets out for me and oh my goodness. I cannot tell you HOW much my grades are falling rapidly. It's just that end of the year moment where you find yourself diving into the mode of not wanting to do anything. Oh how I hate these moments. =[
Stress stress stress. My BC entrance test is coming up on May 1st and I have no idea what to do. I have so much to do before that. So much to accomplish. Or just that I WANT to accomplish. Nothing's getting done for me and nothing will be done if I don't start alone.
Devotions for me aren't going well just because I'm not focused on that part of my life right now. Hmm. What a wrong way to go right?
I think I have my summer planned. Or at least what I want to do. Since my family's not going back to HK this summer. And I have noooo idea whatsoever if we're going anywhere--which sucks, I'm planning on just working. I wanna get my lifeguard license asap and work at the pool. After that, maybe I'll apply to Emerald City Smoothies on MI or something. We'll seee.
I'm excited for next fall. Going to BC and actually being able to get out of the house more than usual. I hate being cooped up inside this house all day long. Even though there's a nice view and oh I KNOW that many people would kill to have a life like mine. But..augh..nvm I don't wanna complain.
Life..is life. And ya just gotta live it.
It's nearing the summer and it's the time where everyone starts slacking...majorly. Not saying that I don't slack within the year. Oh, you have NO idea. In some classes, it's the time where teachers pile everything that they have left on your shoulders. Nope. Not a good time. Summer's near and I'm sure all you can think of is...no school, vacation, and of course..friends. Homework's starting to get on my nerves. I hate those times where it's sunny out but I'm just stuck inside writing a paper--which is, yes. what I'm doing now. =P
Oh, but you can't forget blogging right? haha, my apologies to those who check my blog consistently -coughjeremycough- and don't get anything out of it because I don't post anything. Ohh, the busy days I have staring at the computer screen not wanting to do anything but sit on the couch and possibly just fall asleep.
Five weeks or 40 days till school gets out for me and oh my goodness. I cannot tell you HOW much my grades are falling rapidly. It's just that end of the year moment where you find yourself diving into the mode of not wanting to do anything. Oh how I hate these moments. =[
Stress stress stress. My BC entrance test is coming up on May 1st and I have no idea what to do. I have so much to do before that. So much to accomplish. Or just that I WANT to accomplish. Nothing's getting done for me and nothing will be done if I don't start alone.
Devotions for me aren't going well just because I'm not focused on that part of my life right now. Hmm. What a wrong way to go right?
I think I have my summer planned. Or at least what I want to do. Since my family's not going back to HK this summer. And I have noooo idea whatsoever if we're going anywhere--which sucks, I'm planning on just working. I wanna get my lifeguard license asap and work at the pool. After that, maybe I'll apply to Emerald City Smoothies on MI or something. We'll seee.
I'm excited for next fall. Going to BC and actually being able to get out of the house more than usual. I hate being cooped up inside this house all day long. Even though there's a nice view and oh I KNOW that many people would kill to have a life like mine. But..augh..nvm I don't wanna complain.
Life..is life. And ya just gotta live it.
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