She's a friend that would do anything for her parents. She's a friend that will try her hardest to not make them mad. So what do I do when in the process she gets hurt? She can't come out to see me because she's afraid that her parents will be mad. She loves them, but she hates them. How can I help her? in any way??
I love her...but idk what I can do for her. She's always here for me, now how can I be there for her this time? It's just so difficult..
2.28.2010
2.16.2010
Capture[d] 2: Dis-Eased to the Max
So this is the THIRD time I'm trying to type a note. AHHH. Everytime I pressed backspace, it went to a page before. =[ So now I need to retype it....if I remember it.
Sorry this note is so late, but here it is! It's quite long, but bear with me.
14What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? 15Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. 16If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? --James 2:14-16
Praise Night December 11, 2009
I still remember the energy from this night. The mixed up set from Darren Chan, and the Hillsong set from Matt Sekijima. It was the night where the energy for Dis-eased started.
"Your love brings me to my knees again, we're gunna bring an anthem of love, we're gunna live for you. May your love become my every thought, I wanna know the sound of your heart, I wanna live for you now."
Dis-Eased: It's normal to be uncomfortable.
"DONNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP MISSING THE EXITS!!!" Haha, so we would've gotten to camp 30 minutes earlier if not for Donny missing the exits.. (: Haha, sorry donny..it's true. But it's alright, because we had an awesome time in the huge red van with 7 people. Serena was teaching me how to harmonize to songs...which I failed. Other than that, not much went on.
Saturday:
Worship 1:
First worship was led by Jesse Ma. His set was an amazing kickoff to this retreat. Thank you so much for leading us into worship! You did amazinggly well!! The second song-City On Our Knees- really touched me as Dis-eased started. It's soo true. Since I want to change the world, why not start here and now? I don't need to go to some other place to start either do I? I can start here and now. Even though there's fog, I know that through it..there's hope- and I carry it. So why not start here and now?
Another part of a song that made me realize how much God means to me, and how much he really has done for me was Every Move I Make. Jesus sends waves of grace and mercy to us. It's without a price too! How great is our Lord!? "His love has captured me, oh God this love how can it be?" Yes. His love really did capture me at that point. I finally realized once again, His love IS really great. Wow..
Thanks so much for leading Jesse. I really appreciated it.
Message 1: Comfort (Matthew 4:1-13)
One of the questions in the message by Dr. Bo Lim was, "Are you obsessed with comfort?" He also talked about how Jesus was on earth as a human. He went through all the trials and tests by God as a human, so we don't have any excuse to avoid trial. With Him, we can do it. "God loves us, God tests us, God confirms us". The part in the message about how we don't see the trials because we avoid it really struck me. Do I really avoid my trials? Do I always want to go on a different path when he directs me to a specific one? In order to be a disciple of Jesus, we need to be uncomfortable. Jesus didn't lead a comfortable life, and he was a disciple of God. Even though He allows Satan to test us, He doesn't want you to fall. He wants you to have faith in Him. This message was such a good kickoff to the weekend.
Small Group:
In small group we talked about faith. How much faith do you have in God? What would you rate your faith on a scale of A-F? I personally said that my rating changes all the time. It never stops fluctuating. Some days, my faith may be a B, but other days it may drop to an F. Even though it drops to an F, God does bring you back up to him. Little by little, my faith grows again. Over the past year I've really learned that He never leaves you hanging over the edge without saving you.
First half of the Day Done: I'm not going to lie. I was already just about to fall dead. I was so tired already from everything that happened that day..plus getting just about 4 hours of sleep the day before due to excitedness and creepy plans for the night. :] I'm totally honest right now. Even in the first half of the day, I couldn't see God working in me, in my friends, or just in the camp. But I knew I just had to keep waiting.
Expectations? No, I didn't have much. Just due to the fact that I knew that "nothing" could beat last year's Capture[d] retreat. That was amazing. Even from the start of when I got there--which I got there on Saturday instead of Friday--, I knew that God definitely had already done so much in the group of students at the camp.
But back here, in the year of 2010, we're back at home in Camp Arnold again....could God really change us once more?
Worship 2: Matt Yoshihara!
Worship number two really just brought me back to the heart of worship. Knowing that His love NEVER fails just brought me to believe even more that God would move in this retreat. Song number 4 was The Saving One. "His pardon for my sin, His bounty for my need, From slavery and chains I am redeemed." It really shocks me thinking about what Jesus really did for us. Thanks Matt Yoshi!
Message 2: Selfishness (Mark 8:27-38)
This message talked how Jesus used is status not only to please himself, but to please others. He was a real servant, as well as our Lord and Savior. There's a warning that says, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny themselves and take their cross and follow me." (Mark 8:34) What SHOULD I live for--the kingdom of God. What DO I live for--myself, others, or God? Jesus left us here to take up his business, and we can help by taking up our own cross and following him. The kingdom that Jesus brings is of justice and peace. People are set free, and the mourning will be comforted. Can I really give myself all to God? How can I not be selfish myself? How do I become a person of faith and care for others? How can I understand what God tells me through the Bible by not being selfish? I don't want to take up my cross and give up half way, nor do I want to commit to myself and end up lying to myself. But Jesus went through it as a human. I/We can too right?
Small Group:
This was our second small group time. I already knew all the girls except for my leader and Monica. My first thoughts on this small group was, "How am I supposed to be 'uncomfortable' here when I know all of them except for one person?" But it's alright. I didn't exactly need to be uncomfortable around them. They were my small group, and I had many many other chances outside of small group to feel uncomfortable.
End of the Day Recap:
So by the end of the day I was already a little worn out from the trip there, and just by everything that happened during the days before. Even then after having two worships, and listening to two sermons, I didn't really feel God's presence. I asked myself, "Ohh, what should I do???"
Beside the point, dinner was awesome Saturday night. So filling. <3
Sunday: Another Dis-eased Day
In the morning I awoke and realized that it was already the second day of Dis-eased. At 8am, a couple girls and I headed towards the chapel for morning worship with Darren, Matt Yoshi, and a couple other people.
After the worship, I had devotions alone on a bench. Devotion time on Sunday was a big realization for me. I actually followed the devotion in the back of the book. While I was reading about how Jesus preached to so many people, and then told Peter to throw his net into the water. The question was, "what was Peter's Dis-ease?" I thought so hard about that question. I felt like I couldn't write anything down. Did I really not know how to go in depth with such a small passage? How do people interpret these things? I finally came up with an answer saying that his dis-ease was that he lacked faith. Even though Peter let his net down, he still said, "We have fished all night yet caught nothing." To me it showed that he lacked faith in the Jesus. The next question was, "What is significant about Jesus' answer to Peter when Peter said, "Go away from me, for I am a sinful man." (Jesus' response was, "Do not be afraid, from now on you will catch men.") This question made me go blank, and still....I'm thinking about it.
Worship 3: Matt Sekijima.
Amazing set played! Hillsong set!! I'm so glad that we have so many talented teen worship leaders in our midst. It's really a great blessing to me to hear them all play from different churches. Thank you so much worship team. You're all the best!
Message 3: Security (Isaiah 44:9-20)
Ohh! This was the message with the grizzly bears! :] Ahh. gross. But nonetheless, I learned. Ps. Bo spoke about idols. What in our life do we make idols of? He mentioned the "Truth Behind Idolatry". (1. Idols don't hold any actual power. 2. Idols are the creation of humans. 3. Idols promise to meet a human need for security--and we are people who need a lot of security.) What can objects really do? They can't love you back. So why waste your time worshiping it? "Your view of certain things-such as money- will be your view of those things when you are older. How you feel about one thing, will be what you feel for a lifetime." So be careful what you feel and do about certain things.
Use your time wisely, and care for others of God's kingdom.--because you never know when you might suddenly lose it. Just like the book Crazy Love said, you're only in the movie of LIFE for about two-fifths of a second. So use that wisely. :] Share with others the love of God.
Lunch, Free time, Picture, and Organized Rec. (:
Worship 4: Darren Chan.
The second song that we sang, "Give us Clean Hands" gave me a flashback of all the events of the past year. Man, I've really done so much that I was in desperate need for clean hands. I needed not only to clean my hands in a sink, I needed God to cleanse me. I needed a pure heart. One that could once again shine his glory through me. It made me realize, how can I shine His glory through such a heart of mine? Such a dark heart. It's like I'm sharing a REAL disease. I was on stage, but I was ready to break down and cry saying: "It's all for you, it's all for you. I'm letting go, I'm letting go."
Message 4: Indecision (1 John 2:15-17)
Oh wait. THIS was the grizzly message. hahahaha. :] What great memory. So one of the first sentences that Dr. Bo Lim said was, "Do not love the world." He also said, "If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is NOT him. He spoke about people who are of God, and people who are not of God. He emphasized on NOT loving things that won't love you back. Not giving yourself to things that cannot love you back. He also emphasized that: "Either you are a christian, or you're not." There's no in between. It's clear.
God is Light and God is Love.
God is light, and the world is darkness.
The world cannot give you what God can.
Last but not least, We love because He first loved us! -1 John 4:19
Sunday Night:
So Sunday night was kinda a big hit to me. When they told me to draw my own heart and let someone else interpret it, I was thinking, "What is this? Did I really come here to draw my heart? But actually, I realized that the reason I said that was because I really didn't know what was in my heart. I didn't exactly find anytime through the weekend up till then to examine it alone. To find out what God really wants me to take in throughout this weekend. This is what it turned out to be:
The night was so touching. Drawing your own heart, sharing it with others, interpreting other peoples hearts. And then the most loved part of all, fellowship, encouragement, listening, and prayer. Precious tears were shed with friends. Prayers for others were said. Problems and lingering feelings were shared. I am so incredibly blessed to have friends that surround me with love and pray for me even though they don't know what's going on in my life. This is actually my moment to thank every single one of you that have prayed for me before and still are. I'm not even joking. Your prayers are what pulls me through life. Without you guys, I definitely wouldn't be where I am right now in life. There's so many things that I wouldn't be able to do right now if not for your prayers and moments of encouragement/sharing.
It was then when I finally felt God's presence there. It wasn't only because the lights were dimmed, and everyone was crying. It wasn't that simple. It was that I felt and even saw with my eyes how God was working through each and every one of you. This is for Cornerstone and CBC. We all went to Capture[d] together. Through this experience, I've known most of you guys for a year already. It's a true blessing that I could see each and every one of you guys grow throughout the year. And I wanna tell you all here and now that: really, you guys HAVE grown..and I've seen it. Keep trusting and believing, because I know that He has a plan for you.
I actually didn't think that I would be shedding tears that night. While drawing my heart, I thought that this night would be a night where I go encourage instead of get encouraged. Instead, I was able to encourage and get encouraged. Even through your many stories of Dis-eased I was encouraged. And even now, through your notes, I'm encouraged. I'm encouraged to start my life anew and let God lead me with his own hand. Thank you so much.
Monday:
I'll keep this short since my note is so long already.
Worship 5: Matt Sekijima
:] Thanks so much for finishing us off with another great set.
Message 5: The Cure: Love (John 21:15-19)
This was basically a wrap-up of all we talked about this weekend. :]
It emphasized on: "Feed my sheep"--feeding others with the Love of God. And to follow Him freshly everyday like we JUST met Him--a new best friend. Even if others fall away from Christ, it's my/our responsibility to keep encouraging them to follow Him.
I'm so thankful for all of you. Dr. Bo Lim, all the Pastors of all the churches, the counselors, and of course...all the students. This could not have happened without all of you. I'm looking forward to the next time I see you all.
God is Good. ♥
Sorry this note is so late, but here it is! It's quite long, but bear with me.
14What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? 15Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. 16If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? --James 2:14-16
Praise Night December 11, 2009
I still remember the energy from this night. The mixed up set from Darren Chan, and the Hillsong set from Matt Sekijima. It was the night where the energy for Dis-eased started.
"Your love brings me to my knees again, we're gunna bring an anthem of love, we're gunna live for you. May your love become my every thought, I wanna know the sound of your heart, I wanna live for you now."
Dis-Eased: It's normal to be uncomfortable.
"DONNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP MISSING THE EXITS!!!" Haha, so we would've gotten to camp 30 minutes earlier if not for Donny missing the exits.. (: Haha, sorry donny..it's true. But it's alright, because we had an awesome time in the huge red van with 7 people. Serena was teaching me how to harmonize to songs...which I failed. Other than that, not much went on.
Saturday:
Worship 1:
First worship was led by Jesse Ma. His set was an amazing kickoff to this retreat. Thank you so much for leading us into worship! You did amazinggly well!! The second song-City On Our Knees- really touched me as Dis-eased started. It's soo true. Since I want to change the world, why not start here and now? I don't need to go to some other place to start either do I? I can start here and now. Even though there's fog, I know that through it..there's hope- and I carry it. So why not start here and now?
Another part of a song that made me realize how much God means to me, and how much he really has done for me was Every Move I Make. Jesus sends waves of grace and mercy to us. It's without a price too! How great is our Lord!? "His love has captured me, oh God this love how can it be?" Yes. His love really did capture me at that point. I finally realized once again, His love IS really great. Wow..
Thanks so much for leading Jesse. I really appreciated it.
Message 1: Comfort (Matthew 4:1-13)
One of the questions in the message by Dr. Bo Lim was, "Are you obsessed with comfort?" He also talked about how Jesus was on earth as a human. He went through all the trials and tests by God as a human, so we don't have any excuse to avoid trial. With Him, we can do it. "God loves us, God tests us, God confirms us". The part in the message about how we don't see the trials because we avoid it really struck me. Do I really avoid my trials? Do I always want to go on a different path when he directs me to a specific one? In order to be a disciple of Jesus, we need to be uncomfortable. Jesus didn't lead a comfortable life, and he was a disciple of God. Even though He allows Satan to test us, He doesn't want you to fall. He wants you to have faith in Him. This message was such a good kickoff to the weekend.
Small Group:
In small group we talked about faith. How much faith do you have in God? What would you rate your faith on a scale of A-F? I personally said that my rating changes all the time. It never stops fluctuating. Some days, my faith may be a B, but other days it may drop to an F. Even though it drops to an F, God does bring you back up to him. Little by little, my faith grows again. Over the past year I've really learned that He never leaves you hanging over the edge without saving you.
First half of the Day Done: I'm not going to lie. I was already just about to fall dead. I was so tired already from everything that happened that day..plus getting just about 4 hours of sleep the day before due to excitedness and creepy plans for the night. :] I'm totally honest right now. Even in the first half of the day, I couldn't see God working in me, in my friends, or just in the camp. But I knew I just had to keep waiting.
Expectations? No, I didn't have much. Just due to the fact that I knew that "nothing" could beat last year's Capture[d] retreat. That was amazing. Even from the start of when I got there--which I got there on Saturday instead of Friday--, I knew that God definitely had already done so much in the group of students at the camp.
But back here, in the year of 2010, we're back at home in Camp Arnold again....could God really change us once more?
Worship 2: Matt Yoshihara!
Worship number two really just brought me back to the heart of worship. Knowing that His love NEVER fails just brought me to believe even more that God would move in this retreat. Song number 4 was The Saving One. "His pardon for my sin, His bounty for my need, From slavery and chains I am redeemed." It really shocks me thinking about what Jesus really did for us. Thanks Matt Yoshi!
Message 2: Selfishness (Mark 8:27-38)
This message talked how Jesus used is status not only to please himself, but to please others. He was a real servant, as well as our Lord and Savior. There's a warning that says, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny themselves and take their cross and follow me." (Mark 8:34) What SHOULD I live for--the kingdom of God. What DO I live for--myself, others, or God? Jesus left us here to take up his business, and we can help by taking up our own cross and following him. The kingdom that Jesus brings is of justice and peace. People are set free, and the mourning will be comforted. Can I really give myself all to God? How can I not be selfish myself? How do I become a person of faith and care for others? How can I understand what God tells me through the Bible by not being selfish? I don't want to take up my cross and give up half way, nor do I want to commit to myself and end up lying to myself. But Jesus went through it as a human. I/We can too right?
Small Group:
This was our second small group time. I already knew all the girls except for my leader and Monica. My first thoughts on this small group was, "How am I supposed to be 'uncomfortable' here when I know all of them except for one person?" But it's alright. I didn't exactly need to be uncomfortable around them. They were my small group, and I had many many other chances outside of small group to feel uncomfortable.
End of the Day Recap:
So by the end of the day I was already a little worn out from the trip there, and just by everything that happened during the days before. Even then after having two worships, and listening to two sermons, I didn't really feel God's presence. I asked myself, "Ohh, what should I do???"
Beside the point, dinner was awesome Saturday night. So filling. <3
Sunday: Another Dis-eased Day
In the morning I awoke and realized that it was already the second day of Dis-eased. At 8am, a couple girls and I headed towards the chapel for morning worship with Darren, Matt Yoshi, and a couple other people.
After the worship, I had devotions alone on a bench. Devotion time on Sunday was a big realization for me. I actually followed the devotion in the back of the book. While I was reading about how Jesus preached to so many people, and then told Peter to throw his net into the water. The question was, "what was Peter's Dis-ease?" I thought so hard about that question. I felt like I couldn't write anything down. Did I really not know how to go in depth with such a small passage? How do people interpret these things? I finally came up with an answer saying that his dis-ease was that he lacked faith. Even though Peter let his net down, he still said, "We have fished all night yet caught nothing." To me it showed that he lacked faith in the Jesus. The next question was, "What is significant about Jesus' answer to Peter when Peter said, "Go away from me, for I am a sinful man." (Jesus' response was, "Do not be afraid, from now on you will catch men.") This question made me go blank, and still....I'm thinking about it.
Worship 3: Matt Sekijima.
Amazing set played! Hillsong set!! I'm so glad that we have so many talented teen worship leaders in our midst. It's really a great blessing to me to hear them all play from different churches. Thank you so much worship team. You're all the best!
Message 3: Security (Isaiah 44:9-20)
Ohh! This was the message with the grizzly bears! :] Ahh. gross. But nonetheless, I learned. Ps. Bo spoke about idols. What in our life do we make idols of? He mentioned the "Truth Behind Idolatry". (1. Idols don't hold any actual power. 2. Idols are the creation of humans. 3. Idols promise to meet a human need for security--and we are people who need a lot of security.) What can objects really do? They can't love you back. So why waste your time worshiping it? "Your view of certain things-such as money- will be your view of those things when you are older. How you feel about one thing, will be what you feel for a lifetime." So be careful what you feel and do about certain things.
Use your time wisely, and care for others of God's kingdom.--because you never know when you might suddenly lose it. Just like the book Crazy Love said, you're only in the movie of LIFE for about two-fifths of a second. So use that wisely. :] Share with others the love of God.
Lunch, Free time, Picture, and Organized Rec. (:
Worship 4: Darren Chan.
The second song that we sang, "Give us Clean Hands" gave me a flashback of all the events of the past year. Man, I've really done so much that I was in desperate need for clean hands. I needed not only to clean my hands in a sink, I needed God to cleanse me. I needed a pure heart. One that could once again shine his glory through me. It made me realize, how can I shine His glory through such a heart of mine? Such a dark heart. It's like I'm sharing a REAL disease. I was on stage, but I was ready to break down and cry saying: "It's all for you, it's all for you. I'm letting go, I'm letting go."
Message 4: Indecision (1 John 2:15-17)
Oh wait. THIS was the grizzly message. hahahaha. :] What great memory. So one of the first sentences that Dr. Bo Lim said was, "Do not love the world." He also said, "If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is NOT him. He spoke about people who are of God, and people who are not of God. He emphasized on NOT loving things that won't love you back. Not giving yourself to things that cannot love you back. He also emphasized that: "Either you are a christian, or you're not." There's no in between. It's clear.
God is Light and God is Love.
God is light, and the world is darkness.
The world cannot give you what God can.
Last but not least, We love because He first loved us! -1 John 4:19
Sunday Night:
So Sunday night was kinda a big hit to me. When they told me to draw my own heart and let someone else interpret it, I was thinking, "What is this? Did I really come here to draw my heart? But actually, I realized that the reason I said that was because I really didn't know what was in my heart. I didn't exactly find anytime through the weekend up till then to examine it alone. To find out what God really wants me to take in throughout this weekend. This is what it turned out to be:
The night was so touching. Drawing your own heart, sharing it with others, interpreting other peoples hearts. And then the most loved part of all, fellowship, encouragement, listening, and prayer. Precious tears were shed with friends. Prayers for others were said. Problems and lingering feelings were shared. I am so incredibly blessed to have friends that surround me with love and pray for me even though they don't know what's going on in my life. This is actually my moment to thank every single one of you that have prayed for me before and still are. I'm not even joking. Your prayers are what pulls me through life. Without you guys, I definitely wouldn't be where I am right now in life. There's so many things that I wouldn't be able to do right now if not for your prayers and moments of encouragement/sharing.
It was then when I finally felt God's presence there. It wasn't only because the lights were dimmed, and everyone was crying. It wasn't that simple. It was that I felt and even saw with my eyes how God was working through each and every one of you. This is for Cornerstone and CBC. We all went to Capture[d] together. Through this experience, I've known most of you guys for a year already. It's a true blessing that I could see each and every one of you guys grow throughout the year. And I wanna tell you all here and now that: really, you guys HAVE grown..and I've seen it. Keep trusting and believing, because I know that He has a plan for you.
I actually didn't think that I would be shedding tears that night. While drawing my heart, I thought that this night would be a night where I go encourage instead of get encouraged. Instead, I was able to encourage and get encouraged. Even through your many stories of Dis-eased I was encouraged. And even now, through your notes, I'm encouraged. I'm encouraged to start my life anew and let God lead me with his own hand. Thank you so much.
Monday:
I'll keep this short since my note is so long already.
Worship 5: Matt Sekijima
:] Thanks so much for finishing us off with another great set.
"I lay my life down at Your feet
Cause You're the only one I need
I turn to You and You are always there
In troubled times it's You I seek
I put You first that's all I need"
I humble all I am all to You
Message 5: The Cure: Love (John 21:15-19)
This was basically a wrap-up of all we talked about this weekend. :]
It emphasized on: "Feed my sheep"--feeding others with the Love of God. And to follow Him freshly everyday like we JUST met Him--a new best friend. Even if others fall away from Christ, it's my/our responsibility to keep encouraging them to follow Him.
I'm so thankful for all of you. Dr. Bo Lim, all the Pastors of all the churches, the counselors, and of course...all the students. This could not have happened without all of you. I'm looking forward to the next time I see you all.
God is Good. ♥2.10.2010
Wait, Pray, And Believe---Dis-Eased Story
So this month was a really really really long month for me..And I just wanted to share with you guys what happened. :]
Of course, everyone was bubbling with excitement over the new Dis-Eased retreat ever since Praise Night Pre-Rally. I was too. Until I asked my parents if I could go. This was the beginning of January. From then on, I didn't show much excitement when people around me talked about retreat...cause I knew I couldn't go. I tried every way to tell my parents that it'd be good if I went, that it would be a really good experience. Their first reaction was that I was really irresponsibly undisciplined. I would sleep late, and come back home cranky from the weekend.
From then on I tried to focus on changing my attitude around people and also on my grades for school. As some of you might know, I'm trying to do my devotions daily now--which I admit, I didn't do before. I myself think I've come a long way with my attitude from a month ago, but even with my attitude now, my parents went on tangents saying that I'm irresponsible, talking about my priorities, and just naming things that I need to work on. (I'm going to hold it right there. I'm not saying that my parents are bad or anything. They're amazing. I'm just telling of my experience)
It was a week from the due date of the permission slip for Dis-Eased, and my parents had only budged a bit on their answer. Actually, only my dad. Needless to say, I started doubting God a little. I asked, "Why are you not letting me go to the retreat?" It seemed to me that going to the retreat meant everything to me at that point. Last Friday, I asked my parents again if I could go. My mom still gave me a hard no. It was that night that I cried continuously. Then she asked me, "What's your real reason of wanting to go anyways?" I stuttered....and couldn't answer.
Why DID I want to go? Just to meet people and have fun? No......that must not be a reason. If I tell my parents that, of course they'd say no. Even I would. So why DO I want to go now? That weekend, I took the time to think hard and pray about how I should answer myself. It was a stumbling question for me, but I did get over it at some point.
Every day of my life since maybe I was in middle school, my parents have been telling me to change my stubborn attitude. I've tried, but not hard enough. They said that I need to change my heart before I change anything else. Now what the heck does that mean? Ahh, well, to me, it means to change my whole person. My personality, my character, the way I act, the way I influence, or GET influenced by others. So this month, I've been working on my attitude. I say, it's come a long way already....but there still are some other things I need to pray about and work on.
Last Sunday---four days ago--, three things happened.
The sermon by Pastor Tung was about...meaningless in life. It really hit me while I thought. Why is the retreat so meaningful to me? Is this what God wants? What is meaningless in my life? And what is worthwhile to think and do?
In sunday school, Brian Ma talked about miracles. We watched a video about parents who had a child that was suffering from some kind of rare disease. It couldn't be cured, but they trusted in God. They said, "Take him if you will, we'll trust in you." (at least something like that.) It moved me to say, I'm crying about not being able to go to a retreat, but they're crying about their son. I'm not just about to die because I'm not going to retreat, why am I acting like this?
The last thing that happened last Sunday was that I spoke to Darren. I told him the reason why my parents didn't want me to go. He told me to tell them that this retreat could change my heart. I thought about that before, but I didn't know how to put it into words for my parents. After thinking over it, I went to them that night. This is what I told my mom, (of course not in exact words, but I'll try my best. It's just mostly...what I meant)
"Hey mom, about that retreat...? Umm, this is what I think about it. This is the reason I want to go. I wanna go there to have a change of scenery over the weekend. I want to explore what God has really given me. I want to look out and say, "Yes. This is what God has given me, and this is what he created." There at the retreat, I will have a better chance at looking back on these fifteen years of my life and say to myself. What needs to change in this heart of mine? What is it that keeps me from changing? Habits? Friends? Experiences? Whatever I need to change, whatever I find out about myself during the retreat, I will do/change. It's the time I'll take to ultimately change my heart. I'll come back as a person that not only has a "changed" heart. I'll come back as a person who can influence others with the love that God has shown me. His glory will shine through me to others. I see this as a great opportunity to ultimately change myself into a better person which God will say, 'It is good' as he said in Genesis with is creation. Will you give me an answer about this retreat tonight?"
I'll be honest. Before this talk with my mom, I was just about ready to give up on trying to go to the retreat. I didn't think that I would be able to go last minute, and you could even say, I lost trust in Him. Yes, I kept praying, but what does praying do when you don't take action? Right?
All I can say now, is that....haha, He really knows how to answer a prayer at the peak of time. When I'm just about to lose trust in Him, he pushes the button relieving me from my troubles. I know that quite a few of you have prayed for me during this time. I feel so blessed to have you guys as my friends. The friends that I will keep forever. I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate you guys for praying for me, and doing all that you have done.
I've learned from this lesson to trust in Him always. And if you're having trouble with Him, pray. He may not respond to you when you want him to, but wait and believe that it's the best for you. After what happened this month, I really thank God for how it turned out. When I was about to lose my trust, he brought me right back up from a hole with one hand and made my "trust" meter go higher than ever.. I'm sure he will do that with you too. As long as you trust and believe. ♥
Of course, everyone was bubbling with excitement over the new Dis-Eased retreat ever since Praise Night Pre-Rally. I was too. Until I asked my parents if I could go. This was the beginning of January. From then on, I didn't show much excitement when people around me talked about retreat...cause I knew I couldn't go. I tried every way to tell my parents that it'd be good if I went, that it would be a really good experience. Their first reaction was that I was really irresponsibly undisciplined. I would sleep late, and come back home cranky from the weekend.
From then on I tried to focus on changing my attitude around people and also on my grades for school. As some of you might know, I'm trying to do my devotions daily now--which I admit, I didn't do before. I myself think I've come a long way with my attitude from a month ago, but even with my attitude now, my parents went on tangents saying that I'm irresponsible, talking about my priorities, and just naming things that I need to work on. (I'm going to hold it right there. I'm not saying that my parents are bad or anything. They're amazing. I'm just telling of my experience)
It was a week from the due date of the permission slip for Dis-Eased, and my parents had only budged a bit on their answer. Actually, only my dad. Needless to say, I started doubting God a little. I asked, "Why are you not letting me go to the retreat?" It seemed to me that going to the retreat meant everything to me at that point. Last Friday, I asked my parents again if I could go. My mom still gave me a hard no. It was that night that I cried continuously. Then she asked me, "What's your real reason of wanting to go anyways?" I stuttered....and couldn't answer.
Why DID I want to go? Just to meet people and have fun? No......that must not be a reason. If I tell my parents that, of course they'd say no. Even I would. So why DO I want to go now? That weekend, I took the time to think hard and pray about how I should answer myself. It was a stumbling question for me, but I did get over it at some point.
Every day of my life since maybe I was in middle school, my parents have been telling me to change my stubborn attitude. I've tried, but not hard enough. They said that I need to change my heart before I change anything else. Now what the heck does that mean? Ahh, well, to me, it means to change my whole person. My personality, my character, the way I act, the way I influence, or GET influenced by others. So this month, I've been working on my attitude. I say, it's come a long way already....but there still are some other things I need to pray about and work on.
Last Sunday---four days ago--, three things happened.
The sermon by Pastor Tung was about...meaningless in life. It really hit me while I thought. Why is the retreat so meaningful to me? Is this what God wants? What is meaningless in my life? And what is worthwhile to think and do?
In sunday school, Brian Ma talked about miracles. We watched a video about parents who had a child that was suffering from some kind of rare disease. It couldn't be cured, but they trusted in God. They said, "Take him if you will, we'll trust in you." (at least something like that.) It moved me to say, I'm crying about not being able to go to a retreat, but they're crying about their son. I'm not just about to die because I'm not going to retreat, why am I acting like this?
The last thing that happened last Sunday was that I spoke to Darren. I told him the reason why my parents didn't want me to go. He told me to tell them that this retreat could change my heart. I thought about that before, but I didn't know how to put it into words for my parents. After thinking over it, I went to them that night. This is what I told my mom, (of course not in exact words, but I'll try my best. It's just mostly...what I meant)
"Hey mom, about that retreat...? Umm, this is what I think about it. This is the reason I want to go. I wanna go there to have a change of scenery over the weekend. I want to explore what God has really given me. I want to look out and say, "Yes. This is what God has given me, and this is what he created." There at the retreat, I will have a better chance at looking back on these fifteen years of my life and say to myself. What needs to change in this heart of mine? What is it that keeps me from changing? Habits? Friends? Experiences? Whatever I need to change, whatever I find out about myself during the retreat, I will do/change. It's the time I'll take to ultimately change my heart. I'll come back as a person that not only has a "changed" heart. I'll come back as a person who can influence others with the love that God has shown me. His glory will shine through me to others. I see this as a great opportunity to ultimately change myself into a better person which God will say, 'It is good' as he said in Genesis with is creation. Will you give me an answer about this retreat tonight?"
I'll be honest. Before this talk with my mom, I was just about ready to give up on trying to go to the retreat. I didn't think that I would be able to go last minute, and you could even say, I lost trust in Him. Yes, I kept praying, but what does praying do when you don't take action? Right?
All I can say now, is that....haha, He really knows how to answer a prayer at the peak of time. When I'm just about to lose trust in Him, he pushes the button relieving me from my troubles. I know that quite a few of you have prayed for me during this time. I feel so blessed to have you guys as my friends. The friends that I will keep forever. I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate you guys for praying for me, and doing all that you have done.
I've learned from this lesson to trust in Him always. And if you're having trouble with Him, pray. He may not respond to you when you want him to, but wait and believe that it's the best for you. After what happened this month, I really thank God for how it turned out. When I was about to lose my trust, he brought me right back up from a hole with one hand and made my "trust" meter go higher than ever.. I'm sure he will do that with you too. As long as you trust and believe. ♥
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