Useless

So much confusion is over there at home. Apparently, there's so much hurt and emotion. I don't wanna be at home..I don't. I wanna run away. I want to go somewhere far where my friends are there so I could rant.

I don't get why she won't let me go. It's Cindy's last day here in Seattle for the summer, and she's not letting me go. I'm trying to fix my attitude, but I can't when she gives me hers. I don't know if it's cause she doesn't understand me, or if she just wants to keep me away from everyone? She makes me mad, she makes me cry. She makes me not wanna be at home. When I ask why my brother and sister can go out, she asks back, "Are you them?" I said no, but I need a social life too. I need what they have..they're allowed to go out and all that."

Everything she says she ends it with the sentence, "Where's your obedience??" What the heck. Almost every time I ask her if I can go out, the end result is that I stay home, and do NOTHING. Absolutely NOTHING. And she makes the excuse of us having to clean the house, talk, etc. And she tells me that she doesn't wanna keep me at home..she wants me to have fun with my friends. uh huh, yeah RIGHT. I don't believe her at ALL. Goodness, I wanna be outta here, but I can't just run away.. Where can I go? I wish I had a friend near me where I can just spend a night or two over there. But, I don't.

Why is my brother just like her? Why does he come in the room yelling at me? Why does he give me stares? Why is it that the only sentence he can say is, "Can't you be more responsible??? of your life?" Everyone goes, yeah! He cares for you so much.. But sometimes, I just can't see through those tear-stained eyes.

There are so many things that he does "for me" that I really dislike. I wish he wouldn't do that. Is he really just looking out for me? ....whatever

I'm going out on a walk. I'm going out on a walk. A walk to the north end. A walk to her house. I don't wanna be home. I wanna be at Edwina's. I don't wanna deal with everything right now. My life is so useless..