Take a Walk

Although it's so dark out, it's still so refreshing to go out for a walk. When you've been inside all day and you still have nothing to do by the end of the day.

Just like today. So much has been on my mind since the moment I woke up to now. Nothing to do. I hardly did anything. At last, I went out for a walk.

I met Emily and Jason while walking past their house and they joined me in for the walk. We walked to South end QFC and it was amazing. In the end, I stayed up there for a while. After they left, I started trudging down again towards my house...Ahh, the house.

Slowly, I walked down..not really knowing which path I took, but only knowing that it leads to home. Yes, I ended up walking right in front of his house. Was it intentional? Maybe. I'm not sure of it myself. Knowing that he wasn't home for the weekend, yeah...it probably was. After standing there just staring and wondering what I should do, I ran off with my little legs..

Getting home was another drag. I soo didn't wanna be there. I was late for New Life..and I wasn't happy. Nothing's been going on right, and I don't know how to fix it. Why am I the only one who can't get outta the house? I'm always stuck here with my emotional mom. I don't know how to deal with her. I'm trying hard to fix myself, but she's not helping me at all.

That week, when I had my science final, I didn't study well. I panicked while lunch and she was there. My dad was there too. I was trying to memorize all the human anatomy..But I couldn't. I was too scared. What made me even worse was my mom. She would stand on the side saying, "Why even bother studying now? You're gunna fail anyways. You could've studied before...and why didn't you? Ohhh, you're going to fail." Why wasn't there even ONE stupid encouraging word there? When dad was helping me pack my bag so I could keep studying, she went, "oh, you even help her pack her bag now?" She made me mad...Very.

At Seattle Youth Symphony Orchestra (SYSO) concerts, she would say, "Heather, would you feel like you don't play your best when dad and I aren't here? Does it make a difference when we're here?" It sounds like she cares so much. But when it comes to other things. Oh man.

There are reasons. There definitely are. I may not understand....but the only thing that's on my mind right now, is...I don't wanna be home..