8 Years Have Passed......

Eight years have passed and what have I accomplished? Mom homeschools me, Dad works for me (in order to buy my clothes, food, water, everything), my sister helps me with my problems, and my brother..oh, he's always just there for me even though I don't see it.

Speaking of homeschooling...

Some may know, I've been homeschooled now for almost nine years. Whenever I mention it for the first time they would always say to me, "You're so lucky that you get to sleep in!" Others have said and asked, "It must be so easy. You'd hardly get any homework right?" The fact is that, they don't know what homeschooling means. They always take it the wrong way. As a homeschooler, it's what I often see. Yes, it irritates me. It bugs me when others say that it's a lot easier than public school.

There are different troubles in homeschooling and public school. The first main big difference is that when you're homeschooled, you face your parents everyday...or at least one of your parents.
No, my mom doesn't teach me. She just helps me. I have regular classes. Once a week....it depends on which co-op you go to. The one I've been going to since the year of 2000 is named Legacy. It's awsome. We have regular classes..it's just like public school going from class to class. The only main difference is that Legacy is only on Thursdays. Oh man, but does that help a lot.....It makes me excited and happy when Thursdays come. I'm not all sad and down that another school day is here. That I have to go to school, turn in assignments, and face my teachers again. That doesn't happen.

The environment in Legacy is also Christian. Everyone you meet there is nice...but occasionally, you could meet one opposite. =:P That's always the case.

Ok, so back to the subject with my mom. I've been with her for 8 years almost 24/7. We've gotten to the point where we both argue so much. Sometimes, I just don't know how to deal with her. It's so hard to communicate my thoughts. I want to go to BCC my junior year. If that's the case, I'm going to have to wait one more year. I know time will fly...so I'm not going to complain. Every year, it seems like time passes by so much quicker than the year before. Is it cause I'm growing older? haha...maybe. My mom and I have gone through so much. From happy to sad and from smiles to tears. I know that I've hurt her so much. I don't know how to apologize to her because I will never be able to apologize enough. At the same time, I've been hurt too. Hurt by all the things that happened. Everything just piles on top of everything. She says that my attitude has gotten worse. In fact, I think that it hasn't gotten worse. It's just that the feelings have piled up so high that by every word I say, we both grow angry.

I've tried to think....Is this just a learning process? I thought it was...until it just kept going. It's so sad to see the way we're hurting each other. I used to not want to go to Mercer Island High School. There were many thing that I had against going there. But it has gotten to the point that I've said, "It doesn't matter where I go now, cause it's all the same. The high school is as bad as being homeschooled." Sometimes, I even wish that I could go to the high school. She's keeping me back from going. She's under so much stress, yet she's keeping me back. She's trying so hard to lead me down the right path and I know that....

I'm trying. I'm trying real hard not to disappoint her, yet I do it time and time again. What should I do? Is there anything I can do? I've lost her trust in me many times. I've been in the wrong for so long.

It is true that sometimes it's just cause I have a different type of thinking. We think differently. Yes, we totally do. That is one thing I can't deny. She always says that she's hurt, but doesn't she know that I am too? What about me? Is it ONLY my fault? There are so many things I remember that I don't like.......but here in Mark 11:25, it says:

"And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins."

If anything, I have to forgive. I have to leave everything behind me. (although I know that she won't read this, I'll write it anyways)

Mom, I really do appreciate everything you do for me. At times, my attitude may be bad, but it's just part of me. You know, one of those bad habits that I've formed? I know, there are a lot of times where it seems like I like arguing with you. Totally not true.

Psalm 30:5

"Sing to the LORD, you saints of his; praise his holy name. For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning."


Here, it says that anger only lasts for a moment. To me, it SHOULD only last a moment, but usually it doesn't. It's something I need to learn myself.

There's a friend I have. He told me that everything would be fine. He said that even though mom's mad at you now, she'll be fine in the morning. I know that, because in the Bible, it says that when you sleep, you should sleep and then in the morning, start a new day. That was what I hoped for. It wasn't exactly what happened, but it was what I hoped for. I thought, "Would that really happen? Really?" I've learned from young that every time something happens, you gotta fix it. Without fixing it, it'll never go away. I doubted that everything would go away by morning, and it didn't....but it went away that day. Thank God for that.

I know that I have hurt each and every one of my family members at one point. Whether it was from hurting my mom and needing my dad to fix it for me, to hurting each one individually. I love my family members. Even though I have wronged them so many times, they're still there supporting me. They're always there from when morning comes to the end of the day. I just want to spend some time to thank them and also say sorry to them.

So many things have happened in my life these eight years. From moving to Washington...to now as I head to my 10th year. So many things have been told. So many things have been heard. I will take it with me wherever I go.