Busy Days

They've come again...those busy days. Where school seems to never end and homework piles up into the sky. It seems like you can never finish and you're dead if you don't. You stay up till the sun rises and you sleep for five minutes before you have to get up to resume your work again. Then to school you go.

What a busy life! No time for friends, no time for breakfast, no time for facebook, and no time for God. The day goes by as we think we're living our lives fully. Parents ask how your day went, and you can't answer them but say it's been alright. Because the fact is that, it's not alright. Your relationship with God has gone downhill, you're loaded with homework at school or even work at your job. (work) The econ's going down and you're worried that you'll lose your job. (school) The teachers are scary, and if you don't turn in your homework on time, they deduct 50% from it and you get an F+.

You never know what tomorrow brings you. Whether it's losing your job or having to not sleep for your homework. But it says:

Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Everyday has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:34

I encourage you, especially when your day is busy, grab your Bible in the morning and flip out a couple pages. Read it. Study it. Sink it into your brain as you would with your work at school or in your job. Don't treat it as homework, but as a hobby. Don't treat it as a drag, but do it willingly. It's the most important time of your day. It's what will drag you out of the tunnel at the end of the day. Try it. It works. (:

Crazy Love

My friend Kristine bought a book named Crazy Love for me. It's a great book. I highly recommend it. So from now on, as I read this book, I'll probably have a couple posts on it. As of now, I'm on the second chapter, and I already have a lot to talk about. Feel free to comment!

Have you ever been asked this question, "What happens if you suddenly die tomorrow?" Could you answer it? What WOULD happen if you died tomorrow? In this book, the author gives us a great example:

"Imagine if you were an extra in a movie. You will probably scrutinize that one sccene where hundreds of people are milling around, just waiting for that two-fifths of a second when you can see the back of your head. Maybe your mom aand your closest friend get excited about that two-fifths of a second with you...maybe. But no one else will realize that it is you. Even if you tell them, they won't care.

Lets take it a step further. What if you rent out the theater on opening night and invite all your friends and family to come see the new movie about you? People will say, 'You're an idiot! How could you think this movie is about YOU?'

Many Christians are even more delusional than the person I've been describing. so many of us think and live like the movie of life is all about us.

Now consider the movie of life........

1. God creates the world

2. People rebel against God.

3. God singles out a 99 year old man and makes him the father of a nation.

4. God picks out people and directs them and works miracles through them--Joseph and Moses.

5. God sends judges and prophets to His nation because the people can't seem to give Him the one thing He asks them of--obedience.

6. The Son of God is born and shows the world how God loves.

From start to finish. Who is this about? GOD obviously!!!! He's the main character. Not us. How is it that we're so selfish to think that it was about us?"

There is only ONE scene in here of us. And that's your two-fifths of the back of your head. So don't waste that time! It's only two-fifths and you're dead. Take these two-fifths of the time and make great use out of it, cause in this life, you won't get a second chance to be filmed. But also, within this time, think who this movie is about. What are you doing in this movie?

1 Corinthians 10:31

"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."

Half of this post is from this book. Haha, don't think that I wrote this cause I didn't. But this is SO worth thinking about. It really hit me in the head when the first line spoke. "You could die before you finish reading this chapter. I could die while you're reading it. Today. At any moment." What a capturing line. As I read this chapter, I fully and finally understood that this world isn't about me. It's about everyone in it and especially about God. God appears in this "movie" ALL the time while I only appear in it two-fifths of the time. So again, don't waste it! Give it your all.

Toby's Message

So yesterday at New Life (NL), we had a guest speaker from California. He's an amazing speaker, and guess what we talked about? DATING AND RELATIONSHIPS.

"It's not about age. It's about maturity."

While he was speaking, his message really brought me back to what I wrote in my previous post. How I was wishing on all those things that probably wouldn't come true soon. It really gave me a big moment to think when he listed the reasons that we SHOULDN'T be dating for. He said you shouldn't be dating:


* To seek attention
* To be loved by another person
* For Physical attraction
* Or because you're in a time where you really need comfort from someone else other than your family.

So take a moment right now and think. (esp. if you're in a relationship right now.) Why do you want this relationship? Why do you even like this person? If you say that you think God wants you in this relationship, why? Don't just try to get out of it lightly and say "God wants me in this relationship, and that's why I'm going to say yes to dating this guy/girl. I've prayed about it so much already. I think it's time to say yes." Really take this time to ponder.

Pastor Toby talked about purity too. Losing your purity doesn't only mean that you have sex with the other person. Think about this clearly. What DOES losing your purity really mean? Think back to whatever you've done with that significant other. Are you still pure?

During this age--teenage--, most of us are thinking about relationships if not school. Why is that? Is it true that we just don't see the love that God our Father gives us? Pastor Toby was also saying how all you need to know is that God loves you. All you need to know is that God is there for you--always. not sometimes, always.

So take your stand! What side are you going to stand on? Do you think you and your significant other are mature enough to stand in this relationship? Don't do something you'll regret. And remember! God is always here no matter what. In fact, he also wants to draw NEARER to you.

加油!

I don't know how I can go through this year without killing myself. Seriously, I'm already worn out by arguing with her. Now she says, "Just go to the high school. Either walk, or ride the bus." Or she says, "I'm not buying you any books. I'm not spending a dime on you. Ride a bus if you wanna get to school." I hate how she changes her attitude and mind so often. I just can't cope with it. I was on the phone when I wasn't supposed to be on last night, and that's where it all started. She got pissed, and now I'm on the edge of actually not living. Dad doesn't help much either. He's just.....not helping me as much as I thought he could/would. I've considered changing myself into a whole new person--I didn't think it'd be this hard. It's not working, all these habits have taken place. They have already taken charge of my life. I want my life to take a total twist--a twist into a new world, a new mindset.

Everything in this life is hard. It certainly takes hard work to live a fulfilling life. What am I going to do for my future? It's all a blur to me. When will everything clear up? Am I just going to live like a bum on the street? How can I change to accept everything my parents say? How can I accept everything my mom says without arguing with her? I've got one more year to prove to myself that I can. change myself into a different person. change my attitude into an accepting one.

When people ask, "How are you?" what IS my answer? Will it be "fine"? or will I answer with what I truely feel at the moment? Right now, of course I feel stressed, weak, and tired. Can you imagine what life would be if we had no problems? I can't. There's just too much going on in this world to be able to imagine it without any problems.

I used to think that my tears had all dried up--after that one incident in the beginning of this blog (not post, blog)--, and there were no more. But now I know that when you need them, they'll appear. Just like a lot of other things too. When you need it, it'll appear--usually, sometimes. As of right now, I wish I had big arms that would wrap around my body and give me physical warmth. I wish I could feel the warmth of someone's love towards me. I wish I had someone who knew EVERYTHING about me and understood me. There are so many wishes I could make, but so much for that. It won't be true--at least right now.

I need to get myself together. I need to study. I need to get those history books. But how can I? How can I do these without my parents help? What other choice do I have but sit down, think, and write down what I think my mom's rules are these past 9 years? What? Go to the MIHS and see a counselor? Will that help me at ALL? I don't wanna go back and fourth again. I don't wanna get my hopes high on going to the HS. It's a pain when it doesn't come true--most of all, I don't wanna take the WASL this year. Questions questions questions, who can answer them for me?

As of now, I need to live on. I need to add oil to my burnt out lamp and press on. No matter how hard it is, no matter how much I want to kill myself, I need to continue. God has given me life and I'm going to live it to the fullest--or at least try to.

加油!!!

Endless Love

Ever been in the position where you're not allowed to date?

Ever had problems/arguments with your parents about this specific subject--dating?

Ever hated your parents because of this rule--"you're not allowed to date till you're older"?

These few questions always block my way. I'm born in a Christian family. We have "rules". We also have a chinese culture. I hate the feeling of sneaking something from my parents. I hate the feeling of having to lie to them. But sometimes I just can't help it. I wonder why they can't just let me experience the feeling of having someone who cares for you so much. I so miss that feeling right now, but I can't do anything about it.

Have you gotten to the point where you start dating another person without your parents knowing? I admit, I've gone to that point already. After that relationship, I felt guilty, but not guilty enough. Not regretful either.

Has your parents ever walked into you with another guy--the guy you like? Here's a more general question. Why do parents tell you not to date?

I think the main reason I collected was that they don't want to see you get hurt. A lot of my friends say it's because they don't want to see you grow up. But is that really true? My parents always say that they want me to grow up. Just into a Godly Christian girl. Not some...other thing. They know that once you start dating a guy, and then break up, that scar on your heart will be left there forever, and that when you grow older, you may not want to have another relationship. You may not want to open yourself up because you don't want to be hurt again.

In other conditions, I've found that I would be craving another relationship because I missed the feeling of being important. Although it's just that one, same guy that I like, I would still crave for a relationship whether with that guy or not. It's tough not getting yourself into another relationship, but once you overcome that barrier, you can almost go through anything else.

I'm waiting for that same guy here...I have a thread of hope even though I think that we're hopeless. I don't wanna sneak around my parents, but sometimes I can't help it. Help is what I need, but am I willing to accept it? Would you be able to?

Wanting To Leave

I don't wanna stay either. I want to leave. But the door's blocked. No, you're not blocking it, but something is. Something tells me to press on, to not leave. Is it God? Is it my conscience? What is it?

I went to Summer Conference this Weekend. Five messages were given in Chinese. Did I understand them? Haha. Likely. =P Dad gave translations for 2 of the sermons to me, but then I chose to listen on my own for the rest. He read from Psalms 1-10. Interesting book of the bible isn't it? He spoke of Anger and prayer. Pray when you need him, but not only then. Pray when you wanna talk to him. There were many times where I've prayed and then asked, what does praying do? Does he listen? These sermons just gave me a reassuring gush that he does listen. He ALWAYS listens.

Anger. Keep it down!!!! Speak softly. Don't stir up anger within your party. Anger is one of the worst things that could happen in a family--also one of the easiest things that can happen. Yes, it's common. It happens ALL the time--but should it happen? There are so many things to learn in Psalms. Even after reading it 100 times, you probably won't get it all.

Is this all what's been blocking me from going out? Recently, I've always wanted to just go out of the house. I didn't like this family very much. I wanted to LEAVE. All along, something was blocking the door. Was it really because of anger that I wanted to leave? My answer now is yes, and that's what this weekend has taught me. It was because of anger that I wanted to leave, and therefore, I'm still here.

Back To School

Everyone's almost back to school. A couple more days of summer, and it's over. I've heard that the older we get, the faster time goes by--I think that's coming true. Oh no.

So it's back to school now! Everyone excited? I know I'm not. But there's only one more year to go. Unless I can't make it into running start, there's three more years to go. This school year seems really crammed for me, but I know I'll losen up when I actually start.

One of my classes clash with my swim meets. I'm not happy about that, and I'm not sure what I want. Swimming's only for a quarter, but this class is for a year. It's an acting/singing class--so it's not a required class for me. It ends at 3 45 and starts at 2 10pm. I really don't know what to do. should I ask the teacher if I can leave at 3? Or tell my coach that I can't go till later like last year? Mom told me to think about what I really want, but I really don't know. Swimming's important, but is it more important than going to this class? My first swim meet is the start of school. Oh gosh...what should I do?????

This year's important, but every year is too. *sigh, time goes way to fast. Can I have my life back?

Barbie Girl--Better Stay Away

What's up with all this nonsense stuck to my face? Does my forehead write "I like him"? Why does everyone say that I like him? why does everyone ask after I've said no a billion times? How do I like him when my thoughts are constantly on "you"? What is flirting? Does talking to the opposite sex = flirting? That's lameeeee. Dude, I'm not even kidding. What's wrong with drama these days? Should I stay away starting from now? I hope HE doesn't think I like him.......that'd be weird.