Wait, Pray, And Believe---Dis-Eased Story

So this month was a really really really long month for me..And I just wanted to share with you guys what happened. :]

Of course, everyone was bubbling with excitement over the new Dis-Eased retreat ever since Praise Night Pre-Rally. I was too. Until I asked my parents if I could go. This was the beginning of January. From then on, I didn't show much excitement when people around me talked about retreat...cause I knew I couldn't go. I tried every way to tell my parents that it'd be good if I went, that it would be a really good experience. Their first reaction was that I was really irresponsibly undisciplined. I would sleep late, and come back home cranky from the weekend.

From then on I tried to focus on changing my attitude around people and also on my grades for school. As some of you might know, I'm trying to do my devotions daily now--which I admit, I didn't do before. I myself think I've come a long way with my attitude from a month ago, but even with my attitude now, my parents went on tangents saying that I'm irresponsible, talking about my priorities, and just naming things that I need to work on. (I'm going to hold it right there. I'm not saying that my parents are bad or anything. They're amazing. I'm just telling of my experience)

It was a week from the due date of the permission slip for Dis-Eased, and my parents had only budged a bit on their answer. Actually, only my dad. Needless to say, I started doubting God a little. I asked, "Why are you not letting me go to the retreat?" It seemed to me that going to the retreat meant everything to me at that point. Last Friday, I asked my parents again if I could go. My mom still gave me a hard no. It was that night that I cried continuously. Then she asked me, "What's your real reason of wanting to go anyways?" I stuttered....and couldn't answer.

Why DID I want to go? Just to meet people and have fun? No......that must not be a reason. If I tell my parents that, of course they'd say no. Even I would. So why DO I want to go now? That weekend, I took the time to think hard and pray about how I should answer myself. It was a stumbling question for me, but I did get over it at some point.

Every day of my life since maybe I was in middle school, my parents have been telling me to change my stubborn attitude. I've tried, but not hard enough. They said that I need to change my heart before I change anything else. Now what the heck does that mean? Ahh, well, to me, it means to change my whole person. My personality, my character, the way I act, the way I influence, or GET influenced by others. So this month, I've been working on my attitude. I say, it's come a long way already....but there still are some other things I need to pray about and work on.

Last Sunday---four days ago--, three things happened.

The sermon by Pastor Tung was about...meaningless in life. It really hit me while I thought. Why is the retreat so meaningful to me? Is this what God wants? What is meaningless in my life? And what is worthwhile to think and do?

In sunday school, Brian Ma talked about miracles. We watched a video about parents who had a child that was suffering from some kind of rare disease. It couldn't be cured, but they trusted in God. They said, "Take him if you will, we'll trust in you." (at least something like that.) It moved me to say, I'm crying about not being able to go to a retreat, but they're crying about their son. I'm not just about to die because I'm not going to retreat, why am I acting like this?

The last thing that happened last Sunday was that I spoke to Darren. I told him the reason why my parents didn't want me to go. He told me to tell them that this retreat could change my heart. I thought about that before, but I didn't know how to put it into words for my parents. After thinking over it, I went to them that night. This is what I told my mom, (of course not in exact words, but I'll try my best. It's just mostly...what I meant)

"Hey mom, about that retreat...? Umm, this is what I think about it. This is the reason I want to go. I wanna go there to have a change of scenery over the weekend. I want to explore what God has really given me. I want to look out and say, "Yes. This is what God has given me, and this is what he created." There at the retreat, I will have a better chance at looking back on these fifteen years of my life and say to myself. What needs to change in this heart of mine? What is it that keeps me from changing? Habits? Friends? Experiences? Whatever I need to change, whatever I find out about myself during the retreat, I will do/change. It's the time I'll take to ultimately change my heart. I'll come back as a person that not only has a "changed" heart. I'll come back as a person who can influence others with the love that God has shown me. His glory will shine through me to others. I see this as a great opportunity to ultimately change myself into a better person which God will say, 'It is good' as he said in Genesis with is creation. Will you give me an answer about this retreat tonight?"

I'll be honest. Before this talk with my mom, I was just about ready to give up on trying to go to the retreat. I didn't think that I would be able to go last minute, and you could even say, I lost trust in Him. Yes, I kept praying, but what does praying do when you don't take action? Right?

All I can say now, is that....haha, He really knows how to answer a prayer at the peak of time. When I'm just about to lose trust in Him, he pushes the button relieving me from my troubles. I know that quite a few of you have prayed for me during this time. I feel so blessed to have you guys as my friends. The friends that I will keep forever. I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate you guys for praying for me, and doing all that you have done.

I've learned from this lesson to trust in Him always. And if you're having trouble with Him, pray. He may not respond to you when you want him to, but wait and believe that it's the best for you. After what happened this month, I really thank God for how it turned out. When I was about to lose my trust, he brought me right back up from a hole with one hand and made my "trust" meter go higher than ever.. I'm sure he will do that with you too. As long as you trust and believe. ♥